Peter: There she is, boys, the S.S. More powerful than Superman, Batman, Spiderman, and the Incredible Hulk put together.

Peter: I heard that one of Shannen Doherty's eyes is off center because it's trying to escape.

Jake Tucker (about Peter): What's that, Daddy?

Tom Tucker: That's Mercury, Jake. The planet closest to the sun. What it's doing down here by the wharf, I haven't the foggiest. We should probably ask a scientist...

Peter: I'm a guy, you jackass!

[After Peter wins the boat at a police auction]

Seamus: The last captain of that vessel lost his life. And it weren't no accident! His name was Salty. And he was devoured by Daggermouth, the man-eating blowfish. You want to buy that boat? Go ahead. But don't expect me to fish your dead body from an angry sea that gave you fair warning.

Peter: Are you up for bids, too? You are just precious.

[After Peter crashes into a boat which kills a clown at a Bar Mitzvah]

Boy: Papa, he killed Mordecai the Dancing Yiddish Clown!

Father (smacks the boy): Stop crying! You just became a man. Now, act like one!

Brian: Peter, did you read the fine print on this loan contract?

Peter: If by "read" you mean "imagined a naked lady," then yes.

Spring Break Guy: Hey, did you hear what happened to the dude from UMass? He got so drunk, he fell off his hotel balcony! He's in a coma!

Spring Break Guy #2: Oh, man! I want to party with him!

Chris (when he answers the phone): Good evening. Stevenson residence.

Lois: Chris, honey, we've been over this a thousand times. It's pronounced "Griffin."

Peter: How am I gonna come up with $50,000 by tomorrow?

Quagmire: Well, you could whore yourself out to 1,000 fat chicks for $50 apiece. Or 50 really fat chicks for $1,000. What? Don't look at me like that. Fat chicks need love, too. But they got to pay.

Quagmire (to Seamus): So, were you like, in an accident, or what?

Seamus: No. Me father was a tree.

Salty: And now I'm gonna give you $50,000 to be on your way.

Peter: $50,000? For What?

Salty: To keep your mouth shut. And because the longer we stay here, the more people'll question how a fisherman with no engineering background managed to build a sophisticated talking fish robot.

(The final scene has Peter, Lois, Jim, and Abby watching Daggermouth and Boom Boom)

Announcer: And now, back to Daggermouth and Boom Boom on Nickelodeon.

Daggermouth: Boom Boom, did you do your exercises today?

Boom Boom: Yes. I did 20 laps. And I'm about to do 20 more! (licks Daggermouth's milk bowl)

Daggermouth: Oh, you! (Takes out a gun)

Boom Boom: Yipes! (Both run out the door whilst whimsical instrumental music plays in the background; cut to Lois and Peter)

Lois: Oh, Peter, I'm so glad being a fisherman is working out for you. You know I gotta admit I half expected to come home, and all our stuff would be gone, and we'd owe somebody a whole lot of money.

Peter: How can you "half expect" something?

Lois: I don't know. It's just a turn of phrase.

Peter: How do you "turn a phrase"?

Lois: God, you're dumb! Thank God for that ass! Now, come here and kiss me. (Peter does so) Good night, honey.

Peter: Good night, Lois. Good night, Jim and Abby. (Camera pans out to reveal Jim and Abby in bed with Lois and Peter)

Jim & Abby: Good night.

(After when the lights are out, We hear Abby blowing raspberries on Peter's belly)

Peter: (laughing) Not now, Abby.

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