Tom Tucker: Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker. Tonight the conclusion of our three part report on beastiality at the aquarium. But first our top story: A local boy dies after playing video games for 51 hours straight. He was playing Halo, now he has a halo. Just kidding, he was gay.

[Peter gives Chris the sex talk]

[Chris receives a steamy goodbye kiss from Pam at a restaurant in front of the lobster tank]
Lobster: Hey, Chris...these [clacks its claws] on her nipples. Ha, ha, ha.
Chris: [To a passing waiter] Kill that one.

[Peter tries to convince Jerome to let Pam date a white person]
Peter: Look, I think if you got to know us better, you wouldn't have any problem with your daughter dating one of us.
Quagmire: [off camera] I'll date her.

Peter: I'm great at finding stuff. Last night, I found Lois' g-spot.
Lois: [off camera] No, he didn't!
Peter: I didn't know she was home. I was able to please her in other ways, though.
Lois: [off screen] No!

Jerome: Peter, you seem like a nice guy. I don't mind having you in my bar man, but it's different when it's your baby girl.
Peter: I guess...I just have boys.

Peter: [to Jerome] It takes a man with a crazy-big hog to admit when he's wrong.

Peter: [after tipping Jerome's car over] I'm too fat to be in the car by myself.

Peter: Lesbians have regular carpets too, you pervs.

[Joe pictures Quagmire and Peter as pizza toppings]
Quagmire: Pizza pizza!
Peter: Peter Peter!

Peter: [to Chris] I figured the day you came home with a girl, we'd have to back her through the garage.
[cut to Peter in the garage guiding a fat girl]
Peter: A little further, a little further, a little further, whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Okay, now do you prefer Fatty or Mrs. Boombalady?

Peter: [to Jerome] That's right, you banged my wife.
Stewie: He did? No wonder I had so room in there. Her womb was like one of those places where they reconstruct crashed airplanes.

Previous Episode's Quotes /// Baby Got Black's Quotes \\\ Next Episode's Quotes