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- [Following a tricycle-Big Wheel accident]
- Boy: We should probably exchange numbers.
- Stewie: Ok, I'm a ten, you're a four.
- Tom Tucker: Coming up: Local newsman shows a camera operator how to center a shot.
- Mosquito: Hi, I'm the new nurse.
- Lois: Get outta here! This blood's not for you!
- Mosquito: Aww. Oh look, an empty tire with some water in it. All right, I'm happy again.
- Narrator: TV, that thing you used to watch.
- Peter: Aagh! Aagh! Sex! Sex!
- Lois: Peter, your arms are turning purple.
- Peter: Purple with success. That's the color of money.
- [Peter smacks a woman]
- Lois: That was the right thing to do, Peter.
- Joe: That was an unearned giggity, Quagmire.
- Quagmire: I said "up". No?
- Joe: No.
- Cleveland: No.
- Brian: Stewie, what are you doing?
- Stewie: Being awesome.
- Stewie: Ah crap. I should've known something was up when I saw all those cars out front.
- Brian: I have to go to Chris' room. We're doing a masturbation intervention. I got a buncha his friends sitting in a circle in there... oh dear God!
- Cookie Monster: Me love Cookie! Om nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom!