Agent: Hello?
Williams: Hey Phil, it's Robin Williams.
Phil: Ahahahahahaha! That's hilarious!
Williams: I just wanted to make sure the meeting is still on for 2:30 tommorrow otherwise I gotta go that Chinese dentist. Get it, tooth hurty?
Phil: Ah-hahaha-ha-ha! You son of a bitch! I had a mouthful of coffee! God, you are funny and that is real!

Lois: I think you've had enough, Peter.
Peter: Aw you don't know yo...get away I, I know my body better than you!

Dr. Hartman: Mrs. Griffin, your husband has developed amnesia.
Lois: Oh, my God! Is it permanent?
Dr. Hartman: Well, so far, we don't know how long he will have it. He could be stuck like this for hours, days, seconds, years, millenniums, we don't know.

Peter: Morning, nice people who I still don't know your names and who mean nothing to me.
Lois: Well I certainly hope that doesn't apply to me, especially after last night.
Peter: You've got a point there, hot stuff, and if sex with the rest of you is half as good as it was with her, then I think we're all going to get along just fine.
Chris: Yay!
Lois: But... no Peter, you can't have sex with the kids.
Meg: Wha... I wish you told him that before he lost his memory.
Everyone but Meg and Peter gasp.
Meg: It was a joke! I was just making a joke!
Stewie: THAT'S your sense of humor?
Meg: I was just kidding! God!
Lois: Meg, that's awful!
Chris: Geez, you open your mouth for a joke once and that's what you come up with?
Brian: That's messed up, Meg!
Meg: I was just trying to be funny!
Lois: That wasn't funny, that was just dark.
Stewie: Yeah, that's your father.
Chris grabs her by the shoulders, pulls her out of her seat and shoves her out of the kitchen while kicking her in the rear and shoving her with both hands 3 times each while saying...
Chris: Get out, Meg! Get out of the kitchen! Go on, get out! Out out OUT! Out of the kitchen! Go on! Get out of here!

Chris: Hi, Dad. I'm Chris. I'm your son.
Peter: Never seen you before in my life.
Chris: Really? Then I must be invisible! [takes off his clothes and runs outside] Hey, everybody! I'm invisible!
Herbert: Oh, no, you're not! Hot diggity!

Richard: All right, something you sit in.
Lois: A chair.
Stewie: My own feces.
Richard: A popular fruit.
Lois: An orange.
Stewie: Clay Aiken.
Richard: Something you find in your closet.
Lois: Shoes.
Stewie: Scary monsters.
Richard: Your favorite holiday.
Lois: Christmas.
Stewie: 9/11.
Richard: Something you do on the weekends.
Lois: Go to church.
Stewie: Black guys.

Richard Dawson: Okay, Peter. Lois did great. You only need one point to win the $500.00. 20 seconds. Name something you sit in.[previously Lois answered "chair" to this challenge]
Peter: Chair.
Richard: Try again.
Peter: Big chair.
Richard: No, that's the same thing. Try again.
Peter: High chair.
Richard: That's still a chair.
Peter: Chair.
Richard: Say something other than chair.
Peter: What if I can't think anything?
Richard: You can pass.
Peter: How do I pass?
Richard: Just say it.
Peter: Say what?
Richard: Say "pass".
Peter: Chair.

Lois: [talking to Chris, Meg, Brian, and Stewie] Look, this isn't going to be easy, you guys, we're going to have to reteach your father everything he knew.
Peter: [comes in with a boombox] Hey, guys, have you heard this awesome new song?
Stewie: NOOOO!
Peter: A-well-a, bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word. A-well-a, bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word. A-well-a...

[After being told that the family is on "Family Feud" because they have three sons]
Meg: But I'm not...
Peter Shut up, Greg.

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