- Frank Sinatra, Jr.: Stewie! Elliot!
- Brian: It...it...it's actually "Brian". We've...we've met many times before.
- Frank Sinatra, Jr.: Then who's Elliot?
- Brian: I ... I really wouldn't know.
- Stewie: This is a bad start to whatever we're doing.
- Stewie: You uh...you keep meatballs in your jacket?
- Frank Sinatra, Jr.: Oh, yeah. All my pockets are lined with Reynolds Wrap. I learned that from my old buddies, Dean Martin, Jr., Joey Bishop, Jr., and Sammy Davis, III.
- Announcer: Step right up. Everybody take a chance on Whack-A-Big Pussy.
- [Chris is seen playing Whack-A-Big Pussy, which is a game with Salvatore "Big Pussy" Bonpensiero from "The Sopranos"]
- Chris: This is not what I thought it was! RAAAAGH!
- [Chris gets angry and starts smashing the game]
- Lois: Oh my God, Chris is out of control!
- Peter: I know. It must be all the violence in movies and sex on TV.
- Lois: Ohhhh.
- Peter: See, I listen.
- [Chris throws an apple at Coach Doyle's car, striking the door]
- Coach Doyle: Hey! Which one of you threw that apple at my car?
- Peter: He did it. He dragged me out here. I wanted to be in school sir.
- Coach Doyle: Where'd you get a cannon like that kid?
- Chris: I work out my right arm three times a day.
- Coach Doyle: Hmm, free weights?
- Chris: No, mostly jpegs of Helen Hunt on my hard drive.
- Peter: Alright, Chris! Wow, I've never seen him run onto a baseball field when he wasn't chasing a duck or being chased by a duck. Is that a duck over there?
- Chris: Oh my God, A duck!
- [Chris runs off to chase a duck and comes running back, being chased by an entire flock]
- Chris: It was a trap!
- Peter: This sucks even worse than when I stubbed my toe.
- [Cutaway to Peter stubbing his toe, while walking through church]
- Peter: Aaagh! Why does everything bad always happen to me!?
- [A dead guy in a coffin is seen, lying under a crucifix]
- Peter: Answer me, guy in box and guy on cross!
- Peter: Hey, champ. Whatchya doin'?
- Chris: My Spanish homework.
- Peter: Oh, well then maybe I'll just say this to you in Spanish. Chris, estoy muy contento que usted tenido un éxito en el béisbol, pero, ahora quiero que pierdas intencionalmente el gran juego.
- Chris: Bueno, yo estoy feliz que este teniendo un interés en mis actividades y ha sido muy divertido para... ¿QUEEEEEEE?
- [Lois walks in on Chris drinking what looks like a bottle of whiskey]
- Lois: Chris, what the hell are you doing?
- Chris: Calm down, this is how they package Snapple now. They're trying to trick kids into drinking it.
- Lois: You may not believe this, but there was a time when Snapple ruled the nation.
- Chris: Preposterous!
- Lois: It's true, even Jerry Seinfeld drank it and he was the president of the 90's.
- Stewie: Hey, Frank. We've got to talk. You've got to stop giving away all the food for free.
- Brian: Yeah, otherwise there's no way we're gonna make a profit.
- Frank Sinatra, Jr.: Oh, we don't have to worry about money. I might be doing a duets thing with that Lady Googa.
- Stewie: Uh huh, that's wrong. Anyway, the restaurant's going to go under if you keep giving away food.
- Frank Sinatra, Jr.: Alright, alright.
- Stewie: Thank you, Frank. I appreciate you trying it my way.
- [A guy gives Frank money]
- Frank Sinatra, Jr.: Thank you.
- Brian: What was that?
- Frank Sinatra, Jr.: Oh, I get $40 every time somebody says "My Way" ... Nancy gets $60.
- [Chris sees Cleveland, Quagmire, and Joe in disguise as teenagers]
- Chris: Oh, hey, fellow teens. Wait a minute, teenagers don't have wheelchairs!
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