Peter: Come on, kids, we've been through worse. Meg, you remember when we found out your gynecologist never finished med school?
[Cut to clinic]
Gynecologist: All righty, Meg, lets take a look at that bergina.

[At a Book Club]
Peter: Here's another thing, the book can also be... a hat.

Lois: I felt like I had a void in my life like... like there was a secret hole in me.
Quagmire: Oh God!
Lois: And I was trying to fill that hole with all kinds of expensive objects and things...
Quagmire: Oh Gaahhooddd!
Lois: And I felt wonderful with all those things fillin' that hole.
Lois: I did this to myself, so just gonna have to lay back and the penal system teach me a lesson.
Quagmire: That one is also sexual.

Mayor West: Dammit, Swanson, I want them found!
Joe: Mayor West, we have every available man looking for the Griffins; we just don't have any leads.
Mayor West: Not the Griffins, you moron! The rest of my Lite-Brite pieces! My name isn't Adam We... Or is it? Who am I? What number did you dial? Don't ever call here again. [hangs up] I guess I told him. Nobody messes with Adam We.

Asian Officer: When I fire rockets, I always pretend I shooting at Alan Alda and Jamie Farr. Take that, wise-cracking meatball surgeon!

Stewie: I say, Corey Haim! Are you with the Goonies as well?
Corey Haim: Nah, I just live down here. [a white rat scampers] MINE!

[Joe is watching TV]
Announcer: And now, Ladies and gentlemen, Sumo Tonight. Brought to you by Asian Trix.
[Kids eating cereal; Trix rabbit comes by]
Boy: Silly wabbit! Twix are for kids!
Trix rabbit: You share!

Tom Tucker: Also, scientists announced today that if your hand is bigger than your face, you have cancer. [Diane raises and stares at her hand. Tom pushes her hand up against her face, making Diane hit herself] HA-HA! GOT YOU! Aha! Ahh! Ah, that's not even really news.

Quagmire: Oh, it's conjugal visit day! You know I love doing a woman in a can. Oh! Giggity-giggity-giggity-gooo!

Joe: Pretend I'm your child, Lois! Not Meg! Not Meg!

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