Family Guy Wiki

Brian Does Hollywood/Quotes

< Brian Does Hollywood

5,843pages on
this wiki
Add New Page
Talk0 Share
Stewie: [to Lois] Easy! Massage the scalp. You're washing a baby's hair, not scrubbing vomit off your Christmas dress, you holiday drunk.

Stewie: [while making out with a Miss Piggy doll] Look at me, having sex with a pig! I've become my father!

Lois: Oh, my God! Tell your father not to start the car!

Stewie: You want my badge number? Here! Here's my freakin' badge number!

Lois: I can't lose this case!
Peter: Lois, the case is already over!

[In a hospital room, Peter is unconscious]
Meg: Face it. He's never coming out of that coma.

Brian: Everyone I've told about the file is dead.

Meg: What do you mean, "Cut the blue wire"? They're all blue wires!

Brian: [as a waiter] Hey, I need more cheese puffs, Manny. Looks like Oprah's off the wagon again. And skip the toothpicks. She'll just hurt herself.

TV Announcer: Now back to Kids Say the Darndest Things.
Bill Cosby: It's okay. Take your time. Then what happened?
Little Girl: He... he said he would kill me if I ever said anything.
Bill Cosby: Do you remember what he looked like?
Little Girl: Yeah. He had a scar on his arm. And he had a big, stupid doo-doo head!
Bill Cosby: "A big, stupid doo-doo head!"

TV Announcer: If you have a child you'd like to exploit for a trip to Los Angeles why not have them try out for our show? Next auditions will be in New York, Chicago, and Quahog, Rhode Island.

Bill Cosby: Stewie, what do you think candy is made out of?
Stewie: Sunshine and farts! What the hell kind of question is that?

Stewie: I was under the impression the name of the show was Kids Say the Darnest Things, not Old Black Comedians Never Shut the Hell Up.

Michael Eisner: [to Brian] See you at Disneyland. Bring money.

[While the Griffins are on the plane to Hollywood]
Man: Oh, great. I always end up sitting next to a damn baby.
Stewie: What? What did you just say?
Lois: Stewie, stop fussing.
Stewie: Not now, Lois. Hey, big man, turn around. If you've got something to say, say it to my face! Oh, you can't hear me now? All right, that's it. I was going to watch the movie, but forget it. For the next 5 hours, you're my bitch. My ears are popping, and there's no way to console me! I'm hungry and possibly teething! Maybe I'm wet. Who knows? I'm a baby.

Jasper: Brian, they're your family. They'll love you even if you made a couple of crappy movies. I mean, Blythe Danner still loves Gwyneth Paltrow. Ooh, score one for me!

Stewie: Does anyone else smell AstroGlide?

Stewie: Um, all right, one more. One more. Rob Lowe.
Make-up Artist: Straight.
Stewie: No!
Make-up Artist: Yes.
Stewie: Come on, stop!
Make-up Artist: Ho-hum.
Stewie: Pull over.
Make-up Artist: Absolutely.
Stewie: Really?
Make-up Artist: Yes.
Stewie: Oh, well, he hides it well.
Make-Up Artist: Yeah, he wishes.

Previous Episode's Quotes /// Brian Does Hollywood's Quotes \\\ Next Episode's Quotes

Ad blocker interference detected!

Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers

Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.

Also on Fandom

Random Wiki