Old Man: What, you don't think this is amazing?! When I saw it in the 1904 World's Fair, I nearly crapped my pants!

[loud music plays]

Peter: Get out of my beard, you squarking bastard!

Dr. Hartman: Hey! Who wants to see a dead body?

Peter: Lois, I'm gonna grow a beard.

Lois: Oh, Peter you know how I hate beards.

Peter: Oh no, Lois, it's time I join the ranks of great men with beards. Why do you think Jesus Christ was so popular, because of all his magic tricks?

[When Brian visits Pearl in the hospital]

Dr. Hartman: Right through here. Just tell the disorderly when you're ready to leave.

Brian: Don't you mean the orderly?

Dr. Hartman: No, the disorderly. (Laughs) Thats a little medical joke. We also like Kevin Pollack.

Stewie: Ah-hah! So they do make bigger diapers. That deceitful woman told me I'd have to learn to use the toilet! Well, fie on the toilet! It's made slaves of you all. I've seen it sitting in there: lazy, slothful, porcelain lay-about, feeding on other people's doo doos while contributing nothing of its own to society. (to the toilet) You get a job!

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