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Brian the Bachelor/Quotes

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Lois Griffin: Brian, I can't believe you'll gonna be on The Bachelorette!
Meg Griffin: Yeah, I thought you said those shows were stupid.
Brian Griffin: They are stupid. But I'll have a few days of free booze and free food before they kick me off. I could use a vacation.
Stewie Griffin: Oh yes. Cos you've got such a heavy workload around here. Mm. How you uh, how you comin' on that novel you're working on? Huh? Gotta big, uh, big stack of papers there? Gotta, gotta nice litte story you're working on there? Your big novel you've been working on for 3 years? Huh? Gotta, gotta compelling protaganist? Yeah? Gotta obstacle for him to overcome? Huh? Gotta story brewing there? Working on, working on that for quite some time? Huh? [voice getting higher pitched] Yea, talking about that 3 years ago. Been working on that the whole time? Nice little narrative? Beginning, middle, and end? Some friends become enemies, some enemies become friends? At the end your main character is richer from the experience? Yeah? Yeah? [voice returns to normal] No, no, you deserve some time off.

Brooke: Quagmire, will you accept this rose?
Quagmire: Really? After I drugged you and had sex with your unconscious body?
Brooke: What?
Quagmire: Yes.

Chris: I don't want to get rid of my pimple, I like him. He's my friend. His name is Doug.
Brian: I just wish I didn't have to look at it.
Chris: Well, we have to look at your ANUS all day!
Stewie: Thank you!

Lois: Oh my God! Look at the size of that pimple, you're like a circus freak! [Laughs] Aw, I'm just kidding, it means you're becoming a man, sweetie.
Peter: Yeah, I remember when I first became a man.
[Cutaway to hospital room]
Doctor: The operation was a success. What are you going to go by now?
[Peter looks under his hospital gown and smiles]
Peter: Peter.

Brian Griffin: She told me she loved me...on what used to be a hit TV show. I got sucked into that phoney reality world. I became the very thing I was mocking.
Stewie Griffin: I know it hurts now, Brian, but look at the bright side...you have some new material for that novel. You know...the novel you've been working on? You know...the one...you've been working on for 3 years? You know...the novel? Got something new to write about now. Maybe...maybe a main character gets into a relationship, suffers a little heartbreak? Something like what... what you've just been through? Draw from real-life experience? Little heartbreak? You know? Work it into the story? Make those characters a little more three-dimensional? A richer experience for the reader? Make those second hundred pages keep the reader guessing what's going to happen? Some twists and turns? Little epilogue? We learn the hero's journey isn't always a happy one? I look forward to reading it.

Cleveland: Hey, baby. How would you like to go black and then make a difficult decision regarding whether or not to go back?

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