Mort: They say I've got Jewish honey in my voice. Jewish honey is mucus.

Quagmire: I don't like this, you guys...uh, this is bad ...Joe's gonna find out, I just know it!
Peter: Geez, Quagmire, you need to relax...and I know how to help. Calgon, take him away.
[Quagmire nervously leans in the bubbly bath, looking down as the soap bubble around him floats higher]
Quagmire: This is worse, Peter!
Peter: Relax! This is supposed to be your time! This is the right way to deal with your problems.

Lois: How could you do this?! You have a family!
Peter: For once, could you visit me in jail and not criticize me?

[Tom Tucker talking on the news]
Tom Tucker: Many of the students tweeted about the accident as it was happening. We have a few here: From @Jenny94, "Water seriously cold, yo. Here's at the ted 69. I'm gonna survive this, lol jk. "Jk" indeed.

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