Peter: Whoa, whoa, whoa, look pal, I don't take coupons from giant chickens, not after that last time.
[cut to Peter in a store]
Peter: Oh yeah, that nice chicken outside gave me this coupon.
Cashier: I'm sorry, this is expired.
Peter: [turns to the chicken] You son of a...

Peter: Everyone leave, I have to poop...NOW!

Lois: If there's no food in Quahog, why should there be food anywhere else?
Peter: Lois, everyone knows there are only two things that can survive a nuclear holocaust...cockroaches and Twinkies.

Brian: Oh, my God! They're eating Asian reporter Tricia Takanawa!
Peter: That's crazy! They're just gonna be hungry again in an hour!

Peter: Y-2-K? What are you selling chicken or sex jelly?

Cleveland: Hey, Peter, in case you didn't know, a balloon tied to a mailbox is the international symbol for "party over here!"

Cleveland: Oh, Peter, you are the height of just too muchary.

Meg: Yeah, and I could be getting felt up by Kevin.
Lois: Now, Meg, don't you give it all away up front. Make him work for it.

Peter: Silly rabbit! Trix are for kids. Damn long-ears, trying to take Easter away from Jesus.

Chris: Oh, my God! The government is here! Run, ET, run!

Peter: Honey, are you pregnant?
Lois: No. [Peter pushes her down the basement stairs] Aah!!

Stewie: Oh, dear me, yes, yes. This is how I wanted to enter the new millennium. Locked in a basement with imbeciles dressed like a gay Neil Armstrong.

Peter: Holy crap! Anybody else feel that?

Peter: Hey, Lois, you remember when I was the third Hardy Boy?
Lois: Peter, there was no third Hardy Boy.
Peter: Oh, really? Just like there was no apocalypse? He shoots! He scores!

Meg: It's just not fair. I finally get a date with Kevin, and he gets vaporized!
Chris: He's just using that as an excuse.

Chris: [carrying a plant] Come on, Woody. We're gonna search for food.
Peter: Sorry, Chris. The plant can't come.
Lois: It's his best friend.
Peter: Lois, it'll just be another mouth to feed. I'll take care of Woody, son.
[Takes the plant in the back and a gunshot is heard]
Chris: What was that?
Peter: Nothing. Let's go.

Stewie: We're finished! We're done! Game over, man! Game over!

Man 1: We don't need guns! We need food and water!
Man 2: I have a canker sore on my lip! And I keep poking at it with my tongue! But that's only making it worse!

Peter: There's a reason I'm in charge here, all right? I knew the world was gonna end. I'm the one who found the Twinkie factory and started this town. And I'm the one who gave elocution lessons to Rosie Perez.
Man 1: That's nothing to be proud of!
Peter: [imitates Rosie Perez] Don't be stupid! She speak good and everything!

Peter: Jeez, I haven't been thrown out of any place since I was a counselor at the bulimia clinic.
[Scene goes to Peter at the bulimia clinic]
Peter: Aw, man, did anybody else throw up after eating that fish last night?

Peter: We've left ourselves defenseless. Guys, we need to make some guns.
Cleveland: Guns? Guns only lead to trouble.
Peter: Right. And if that trouble happens, we'll be able to blow its frickin' head off.

Stewie: A dead Lois?