Lois: My goodness, a human thumb! [zoom out, Peter keeps his right hand under his armpit, stained with blood] Where did you ever find this?
Peter: It was on eBay. [retches and vomits] Oh God, call an ambulance!

Peter/Death: You again?

Business Man #1: The fed is going to be lowering so get your money out of T-bills and put it all into [gets hit on the head by a golfball] waffles! Tasty waffles with lots of syrup.
[cut to a stock exchange]
Business Man #2: Waffles! Buy waffles!
Men: Waffle! Waffles! Waffles! Waffles!
Japanese Men: Waffles! Waffle! Waffles!
Chinese Men: Waffles! Waffles! Waffle!

Mobile ball cleaner: Out of me way! They're after me lucky charms!
Quagmire: Heh-heh! I've paid him ten bucks to say it! [he and Brian laugh] Classic.

Chris: What's Mom doing?
Stewie: I'll tell you what she's doin', she's screwin' up my six-two quinella. Dammit!

Chris: Mom? Remember that goldfish we'd flushed down the toilet? [Chris is held by a gigantic fish with a revolver] He wasn't dead.

Cleveland: That truck's comin' up on us awful fast.
[they look in the rear-view mirror and see that they are being pursued by Ku Klux Klan members]
Peter: Holy crap! Do you see what I see?
Cleveland: I'm afraid I do.
Peter: We're being chased by ghosts!

Lois: Peter, why is there a diaper in the lamp socket?
Stewie: [with a lightbulb stuck in his buttocks] Lois, he's done it again! Wait a minute?
[rubs his feet together on the carpet to induce a static charge, then touches his nose with the tip of his index finger to make the lightbulb light up] Ha!

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