[Lois tapes pictures of food and drinks to Peter]
Meg: What are you doing to dad?
Peter: What? I'm going to the grocery store.

Chris: I can't tell if they have a really good marriage or a really bad one.

[Brian leaves the room in anger and Stewie acts like Rupert is talking to him]
Stewie: [chuckles] Yeah, you're right. I bet he is on his period, whatever that means ... [covers his ears, as through Rupert is telling him what it means] LA LA LA LA! STOP STOP STOP! GROSS GROSS GROSS! EW EW EW! NO NO NO! EW!

Peter: A loaf of bread, a container of milk, and a stick of butter. A loaf of milk, a container of bread, and a Joe Dirt DVD. A Joe Dirt DVD, Scarlett Johansson, and treasure from a fish tank.

Peter: Oh, Mr. Boo Berry! I'm your biggest fan!
Boo Berry: You're not the one threatening me on Facebook, are you?
Peter: No! No. No, not ... not you. Not you.

Peter: This is the best thing to happen to be, since I became a wise cracking, fourth wall breaking superhero!
[Cutaway to Peter as Deadpool]
Peter: Call me Redstool. The treatment didn't give me powers, but it did spread cancer to my anus.

[Brian realizes he tore apart Rupert]
Stewie: Bear killing bastard!
Brian: Oh my God, Stewie, I am so sorry. I ... I ... I was drunk. It was an accident. I ... I must have thought he was a chew toy.
Stewie: So? If you were driving drunk and ran him over, would you still go to jail? Yes! You killed him!
Brian: Let me make it up to you, please. How about you kill something I love?
[Stewie puts a gun up to Brian's head]
Stewie: How 'bout I do that?

Stewie: Shut up. Stop trying. It's over.
[Stewie takes his phone out]
Stewie: Look at me. Watch. See what I'm doing? Twitter, unfollow. Instagram, unfollow. Snapchat, unfollow. And there we go. Done.

Lois: I'm gonna have 'middle-aged woman boobs falling off the the side' sleep now.

Facx01 320 02a-0264 hires2
[Chris explains Stewie's whereabouts, while fitting a Quinceañera dress on Brian]
Brian: It's a stuffed animal, Chris.
Chris: Yeah, well, he cremated that stuffed animal and he's going to Vermont to scatter the ashes.
Brian: What!? I've gotta go after him!
Chris: Not until I finish fitting this. How you feelin'? Bueño? Fits good?
Brian: This isn't mine.
Chris: [serious] Do you or do you not feel bonita?

[Brian chases Stewie down to a bus station]
Brian: Stewie!
Stewie: Hmm, well, violent murderers can often be found at bus stations, so why am I surprised?

[Brian takes Stewie up the mountain on a rickshaw made of sticks]
Stewie: This isn't going to make me forgive you, you know.
Brian: That's fine.
Stewie: I'm going to say uncomplimentary things about your ass the whole way.
Brian: Go ahead.
Stewie: You know, maybe it's appropriate that you're my ride up. Rupert always called you my bitch. Want to know some of the other things he called you? Fat Lassie, Scooby-Don't, Rin-Tin-Twink, Poopy Snoopy, Marmadukey, Clifford the big red sphincter that we can see all the time because you don't put your tail down, Snoop Doggy Dick.

Joe: Is it weird that we're in a group text with our friend's wife, but not our friend?
Quagmire: No, what's weird is that your Bitmoji can walk.
Joe: [angry] I'm allowed to have legs in the phone world!

Brian: Stewie, I just don't get it. You're so mature in so many ways, you're ... you're the smartest person in the house, you're incredibly perceptive, you're wiser than people 40 times your age. Why is Rupert the one baby thing you're hanging onto? Why are you so upset over a doll, when I'm real and I'm still here.
Stewie: Because Rupert was going to be with me forever! He wasn't ever going to leave.
Brian: So what? I'm not leaving you either.
Stewie: Oh really? Brian, let's be honest. You're a middle aged dog. You don't have that many years left and one day, all too soon, I'm gonna be crying in your funeral in an Armani suit, and people's are gonna be like "Oh, nice suit." and I'm gonna be like "Why are you talking about my awesome $2,000 suit? My friend's dead!"
Brian: Feels like that story is less about me and more about your suit.

[Stewie passes by a hiker]
Stewie: [joking] Hey, when are they gonna put in that elevator, right?
Hiker: [not amused] Yeah, that other guy said that to me.
Stewie: [angry] Nice shorts.

[Cleveland is dressed as Count Chocula]
Cleveland: For the record, I would have preferred to dress as Frankenberry.
Quagmire: That doesn't make any sense.
Cleveland: And this does? If anything, we all three should have been Snap, Crackle, and Pop.
Joe: Yeah, we...missed an opportunity there.

Cleveland: Silly rabbit, Count Chocula tastes Grrrreat!

Stewie: Okay, Brian, now pour it out.
Brian: What?
Stewie: Pour it out. Whatever you have, pour it out.
Brian: I have a Gatorade bottle full of pee from the bus.
Stewie: Pour it out for Rupert.

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