Lois: Peter, why are we stopped?
Peter: Yeah, I'll have three cheeseburgers...
Lois: Peter for God's sakes, she's havin' a baby!
Peter: Oh that's right...and a kid's meal... and uh, I, I guess I'll have fries...if I have fries is anyone else gonna have any? Cuz, uh I don't wanna be the only one eatin' them... I'll feel like a fatty...

TELEVISION ANNOUNCER: We now return to the Smurfs...
Smurf #1: Hey, did you have a good time last night?
Smurf #2: Smurf-tacular!
Smurf #1: Yeah, I saw you leave with Smurfette.
Smurf #2: Oh man, as soon as we got out of the bar, she started smurfing me.
Smurf #1: Shut the Smurf up!
Smurf #2: Yeah!
Smurf #1: Right in the Smurfing parking lot?
Smurf #2: Smurf-Yeah!
Smurf #1: Oh! That is freaking Smurf!

Peter: You're gonna have a baby brother, buddy.
Lois: Or sister.
Stewie: Oh, a new baby? That's wonderful. [walks away] call me when Kojack starts...WHAT?!

Peter: Oh my God!
Lois: What? WHAT?
Peter: It's a beautiful baby girl!
Carol: Oh! I'm so proud!
Peter: But this girl has a penis. Oh, well we'll soon sort that out [holding up a scalpel]
Lois: Peter, no! It's a boy!

Lois: Right, I've HAD IT with these interruptions. All we want is a little time alone. Now you kids go to your room and don't come out for the rest of the night.
Chris: But I don't want to go to my room. There's an evil monkey in my closet.
Peter: Heh, "evil monkey."

Chris: I found my baby book! Here's the broken condom that led to my birth.
Lois: And the resulting lawsuit bought us this house. You're my favorite mistake.

Stewie: Ah, baby books. Nostalgic for the days of chafed nipples and episiotomies?

Brian: Okay. "Insert Rod Support A into Slot B."
Peter: That's what...
Brian: And if you say "That's what she said" one more time, I'm gonna pop you.

Chris: Dad, Meg keeps pushing me!
Meg: Oh, like I could! He's so fat!
Chris: I'm not fat! I'm Rubenesque!

Lois: Peter, I love you.
Peter: And I love you, Lou Gossett, Jr..

Stewie: I was here first...well technically third, but no time for semantics.

Lois: Where'd you go, my little pumpkin eater?
Robot Peter: To the can, because kissing you made me barf.

Dr. Hartman: Why haven't you sent for help?

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