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Excellence in Broadcasting/Quotes

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Tom Tucker: Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker. Diane can't be with us today. Where is she, Ollie?
Ollie Williams: She dead!
Tom Tucker: Yes, Diane is no longer with us. She was shot by an unknown assailant after committing a series of gruesome murders.

Stewie: Brian, look at this, now this is a tasteful nude. It's called "A Saucy Outing in Tottenham Court Square".

Brian: Oh my God! Rush Limbaugh was right! Conservative Republicanism is the answer!
Stan Smith: [watching "Family Guy" on TV] Good. Good for Brian.

Brian: Why is Limbaugh coming here? Don't they have bookstores at the Nazi fascist...fascist fat camp where he where he go, where where he is a counselor?
Stewie: I tell you what, Brian, if you want, we'll give you another crack at that.

Brian: Does this mean I'll never see you again?
Rush Limbaugh: Oh I'll be around. Wherever there's a rich white guy in need of another tax break, I'll be there. Wherever there's a brain-dead woman in need of expensive life support her husband doesn't want, I'll be there. Wherever there's a country that needs to be invaded for reasons that don't exactly pan out, I'll be there too. Oh yes, I will be around.

Stewie: [yawns, grabs his crotch] I gotta scratch my joint. I say, Chris, there may be something to this pastime of manual self-stimulus.
Chris: They all laughed at me.
Stewie: Huh. Let's see where this goes. [imagines where Stewie is rope-tied his arms and legs on his crib. Camera zooms out, revealing a giant, human-like, muscular versions of Brian and Rupert on a huge heart-shaped bed. Brian touches Rupert's face and emotionally kiss, with Stewie smiling] Wow, it went right there.

Stewie: Oh, wow, Brian and Rush Limbaugh living together? I wonder what that's gonna be like. [imagines Brian and Rush in a dark-lit master bedroom. Brian lustfully licks Rush's right nipple] Aghh! Oh, God! Oh, why did I go there?
Chris: Yeah, you should be careful with that stuff; it can turn on you.
Stewie: Why didn't you tell me that before?! Agghh!

[Brian follows Rush out of the Quahog County Jail after getting bailed out]
Brian: Hey, Limbaugh!
[Rush turns to face Brian]
Brian: I think you're a bone-headed, fascist, corporate-shelling blow-hard.
Rush: Look, you little smart-ass. I think you are a God-less, socialist, pot-smoking, maggot-infested member of the "Blame America First" crowd. And I think you want the terrorists to win.

Brian: Dear God, who definitely exists, we your people, who have been on this planet for 6,000 years and not a second more, we thank you for this bounty and keeping the congress primarily white, through Christ our lord.

Lois: Don't let Brian see this. It says here that Rush Limbaugh will be signing books at the Quahog Mall.
Brian: I have very good hearing! He's awful.
Chris: But I thought Rush Limbaugh is a fictional character played by Fred Savage.
Lois: Where'd you hear that?
Chris: FOX News.
Lois: Then it's a lie; everything FOX News says is a lie.
Chris: But this one's true, Mom; you saw it with your own eyes, and then you reported it on FOX News.
Lois: Even true things once said on FOX News become lies.

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