[After the horse urinated on the carpet]
Peter: You know what? I don't want that him to feel self-conscious. Everybody pee.
Lois: Peter, we...
Peter: Everybody pee... Now!
Stewie: We are an unusual family.

Herbert: [At the racetrack mistaking a jockey for a child] This whole place is a giant mind fuck.

Peter: Alright, I'm gonna try something else.
[Peter backs his car trying to try to get the brain damaged horse to move out of the driveway. He backs so far, that he crashes into Cleveland's house, who is, again, taking a bath]
Cleveland: No, no, no, no, no, NO!!! [crash!] [The brain damaged horse comes to Cleveland's yard and starts drinking the bath water]
Cleveland: Oh, that's got all my stink of the day in it. [Brain damaged horse continues drinking] That's nasty.

Lois: Is there reason all the horses are named after canceled Fox shows?
Announcer: Kitchen Confidential is in the lead followed by The Wedding Bells followed by The Happy Hour followed by The War at Home followed by Drive followed by The Winner followed by Life on a Stick followed by The Loop followed by Head Cases followed by Standoff followed by Vanished followed by Free Ride followed by Method & Red followed by Tru Calling followed by Quintuplets followed by Stacked followed by Justice followed by North Shore followed by Back to You And bringing up the rear but somehow still in the race is 'Til Death.
Lois: You named your horse 'Til Death?
Peter: You know why? 'Cause I'm gonna take this horse and shove it down America's throat.

[During the horse race]
Announcer: What's this! It looks like Til Death has taken a right turn and is heading into the stands.
[Sound of the retarded horse crashing into the stands and the crowd goes "Ahh!" while the camera pans to the announcing speakers]
Announcer: Dear God, I could describe the horror I am witnessing, but it is so unfathomably ugly and heart-rending that I cannot bring myself to do so, although I do possess the necessary descriptive powers. Ah well at least the horse ran past the class of visiting deaf second-graders. OH NO DEAR GOD, HE'S GOING BACK! Oh I know you can't hear any screams, but I assure you they are signing frantically just as fast as their little fingers can shape the complicated phonemes necessary to convey dread and terror.
[Camera pans to Peter in the stands]
Peter: Hold the phone, he's going back towards the track fellas! This race ain't over yet!
[Sound of horse crashing into the stands a second time]
Woman in the crowd: [Hysterically] AAAHH! MY BABY IS DEAD!
Peter: [While putting down his binoculars] It's over.

Lois: Peter, are you... gay??
Peter: [with a high-pitched voice] Guiltyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!

Peter: I'm so gay for you Scott.
Scott : I'm so gay for you Peter.
Peter: Penis for your thoughts.

Peter: Oh for the love of penis!

Stewie: [Mumbles inaudibly]
Brian : What?
Stewie: I said homosexuality is wrong.
Brian : Are you... Are you being serious right now?
Stewie : Just keep it in the bedroom, you know? I mean I'm not all in your face with my heterosexuality.
Brian : Ah, no you are not.

Peter: I'm here, I'm queer, but don't get used to it 'cause I'm leaving you!

Stewie: Great plan Lois! Hey, here's another idea: Ever read the bible? Leviticus 18:22!
Brian : Stewie, you're judgmentally quoting bible verses and you don't even know how to read!
Stewie : Welcome to America, Brian.

Straight Camp Administrator: [Standing next to a stereotypical "gay guy"] Harry's choice of lifestyle is wrong, so we're gonna beat him up for it. Now take these baseball bats and get to it. [They all grab baseball bats and chase after him] Alright, good so far. No, no, no, don't use the bats like that! No, no don't use them like that either! Alright, look just put them down and use your fists... No, no, no not like that!

Lois: You made muffins?
Peter: Well, it wasn't the Muffin Fairy... Or was it?

[At the Griffin dinner table]
Peter: I'm glad that everything is back to normal.
[The corpse of the horse is flung through the window, landing on the table]

Previous Episode's Quotes /// Family Gay's Quotes \\\ Next Episode's Quotes