Liam Neeson: I have played a lion in three separate films. Peter Griffin has never played a jungle cat of any sort, not even a smallish one, like a lynx.

Peter: You ever got your ass handed to you by a Type 2 diabetic?

Liam Neeson: Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to get a free movie set haircut.

Guard: Wake up, Griffin. Your bail's been posted.
Peter: What time is it?
[Guard opens the cell door to reveal Liam Neeson]
Liam Neeson: I did. Oh, sorry. I thought you were gonna ask something else.

Liam Neeson: All right, it's a deal. You can help me with some chores. But one slip-up, and you'll be deader than the first man to die in the Battle of the Boyne.
[cutaway to the man dying in the Battle of the Boyne after being shot in the neck]
Peter: Normally when we do those, there's... there's, like, a joke.
Liam Neeson: I'm not your clown.

[Stewie is at kindergarten]
Stewie: Hey, did you hear about that old woman who lives in a shoe? Has so many children she doesn't know what to do? Well, I know what she should do. Get your tubes tied,you kook!

Liam Neeson: I hear you've been all over town saying you can kick my arse. Well, there's no time like the present.

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