- Peter: Hey if any of you falls down and no one is around to hear you, do you make a sound?
- Tree: Of course... Frank fell down last week and he wouldn't stop talking since.
- Frank the Tree: Oh stand there and bitch! No one stops and takes the time to HELP MEEEE!
- Peter: Look Brian! There's a message in my Alpha-Bits. It says "oooooooooooo."
- Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios.
- Scoutmaster: Your son is out of the Scouts!
- Peter: Jeez, who died and made you President Nixon?
- [Before Peter leaves for the vision quest]
- Meg: Here's your chance to be alone with Dad.
- Chris: I'm not attracted to Dad.
- Meg: Tell him you don't want to be in Scouts.
- Chris: Oh...
- [Chris leaves]
- Meg: Yipes...
- [Chris is watching TV when Peter enters]
- Peter: I gotta surprise for ya, Chris. [He notices the TV] Oh, aw, geez, it'll have to wait. This is the one where the Fonz goes "aaaay!"
- Fonzie: [On TV] Aaaaay!
- Peter: [Laughs] Take that, 1950's society!
- [Peter and Chris manage to convince the Scout Leader to give Chris a chance to earn a badge]
- Mitch: All right! All right! You've got three days to earn a badge.
- Peter: Three days? That's tomorrow!
- Stewie: Stupid greedy savages.
- Lois: Stewie, that's a terrible thing to say. This one particular tribe has lost their ways but most Native American are a proud, hard-working people who are a true to their spiritual heritage. They are certainly not savages.
- Stewie: Well that's funny mother. Just this morning you said they were lazy like the Dirty Mexicans. [chuckles] Just kidding, the Mexicans are a clean and industrious people with a rich cultural heritage.
- Meg: Yeah, not like those dumb gargantuan Swedes. Actually, the Swedish people run a gammon from short to tall, and did you know that Sweden gave us brilliant inventor Alfred Nobel.
- Peter: Yeah. That's more than we got from those free-loading Canadians....Canada sucks.
- Peter: Hey Fonzie. You were with a lot of girls..did you ever get a sexual disease?
- The Fonz: Herpes twice. And the clap. Ehhhh!
- Meg: Nice going, Mom. I finally get my driver's license, and you lose the car to a poker machine? How ironic!
- Peter: Hey, don't talk to your mother like that! She is not an i-ron.
- Peter: Huh, I didn't know anyone in this family had any talent. Well, except for that thing your mother does.
- Chris: You mean play the piano?
- Peter: No, no, she...yeah.
- Lois: Stewie, look what Mommy made for dessert.
- Stewie: Ooh, Jell-O. How exotic! I feel like I'm on the deck of the QE II.
- Brian: Does that remote have a setting lower than "Mute"?
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