Peter: [to Lois] I want you on my team for everything...except for sports.

[Stewie farts on Peter while he's sitting at the table with an electric fan. The fart travels back to Stewie.]
Stewie: Ah! Friendly fire!

[A group stands graveside]
Quagmire: We're supposed to dig this kid up. Any volunteers?
Herbert: [in mining gear] I dig kids.

[Chris jet skis to Block Island with Meg]
Chris: Why are your nipples poking into me?!
Meg: Sorry! That happens when I'm cold.
Chris: But why are there THREE of them?!
Meg: There aren't! Two of them are moles.
Chris: Those numbers still don't add up!

Tricia: [Dressed as Lois] I will have one scoop of mint chocolate chip in a waffle cone.
Peter: You are a practical, straight-forward people.

Peter: [to Lois] Can you forgive me? Chris forgave me.
Chris: [holding an ice pack on his black eye] I can't wait until you fall asleep tonight.

Meg: [trying to put down the car window] Dad, it smells like rotting flesh in here! Take the window lock off.
Peter: Can't do that, Meg. I don't trust myself not to jump out the window.

Peter: [arriving at Old Block Island Cemetery with Lois] Damn it Lois, they're already here! This is all your fault!
Lois: What? How is this my fault?
Peter: Because you just had to stop for ice cream, then you get in there and you order like you never heard of food before!
[cut to Peter and Lois at an ice cream stand]
Lois: Oh, coffee fudge swirl with Reese's peanut butter cups. Oh, I wonder what's in that.
Peter: You just listed off all the ingredients! Everything you just said is what's in that!

Peter: Suzuki Samurai: ninja name, garbage car.

[Joe defends the dugout with a baseball bat at McCoy Stadium during the treasure hunt]
Joe: This dugout is mine! You hear me?!
Bruce: Well, you can take that bat and shove it up my ass mister.

Peter: [devising a plan to enter the Clam] This is worse than the time we were in the Clam right now. [Peter and Lois appear inside the Clam] Yes!

Peter: [after learning the treasure is an expired coupon] Um, this sucks worse than when I went to the strip club without Lois. [appears at a strip club] Yay!

Peter: [after hearing a knock at the door] No way that's the shrimp!

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