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Carter: You there, mailman!
Cleveland: Me?
Carter: No, the other black guy in shorts. Yes you!

Cleveland: I also have a fat, weird son. Would you like a hug?
Peter: Yes, birthdays are the hardest.

Chris: Grandpa only gave me a dollar?
Lois: Chris, you write him a thank you note. That will is still wide open.

Drive-Thru Guy: Welcome to McBurgertown, what can I get for you today?
Peter: Hmm, what's the easiest thing to eat in the car? I'll have the huevos rancheros and an orange soda without the cap.

[Tom passes by Patty, Ruth, and Esther]
Tom: What do we have, ... up, too young.

[Nicole finds Ernie having coffee with Lois]
Nicole: So this is stuck at work?
Ernie: Honey, please. Lois is a friend.
Lois: Really. Nicole, you've got the wrong idea.
Nicole: How does this bitch know my name?
Lois: Bitch? Ok, 'ho.
[They prepare to fight]
Nicole: Oh, I'm going to enjoy this.
Ernie: Come on, now ladies...
[The two begin to slap fight]
Jesus: Awesome. A chick-chicken chick fight.

RJ: Since you are my girlfriend and are hot, will you marry me, so that I can bone you?
Janine: As long as you can always throws a NERF football over my truck with your strong arm.
RJ: You mean this arm?
[RJ shows off his muscular arm, which is quickly broken by Lois and Nichole's passing by chick fight]
RJ: Aw, cripes!
Janine: Yeah, now there is no way.

Ollie Williams: [To Tomik and Bellgarde who are driving recklessly] You gon' crash!

Meg: How long has that bike been out front?
Carl: I don't know, a couple hours?
Meg: I'm gunna swipe that puppy.

Neil Goldman: [To a park bench dedicated to the memory of his mother, Muriel Goldman] Look who's still standing, bitch. [Tosses money on the bench] Go buy yourself something nice in Hell.
MurielHell

Bonnie: Joe! I found a dollar!
Joe: That's great, Bonnie! Let's go to dinner we can talk all about it.
Bonnie: What's there to talk about? I looked down on the ground and there was a dollar.
Joe: Bonnie, save it for the dinner table!

Seamus: I thought the show was really great.
Ida: Thank you, I couldn't help but notice you talked throughout it.

[Lois texts Ernie, while Peter is lying in bed, but Peter knows exactly what she's doing]
Peter: I don't want you talking to him anymore.

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