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Friends Without Benefits/Quotes

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[Lois walks into Meg's room]
Lois: Honey, give me any laundry you have. I'm doing a diapers and Meg load.

Quagmire: How're you girls doin on popcorn?
Girl: I'll take some.
Quagmire: Here ya go.

Lois: Meg, Kent's here!
Meg: Just putting on my lipstick! [shaves, cuts] Dammit!

Stewie: Rupert did you hear that? Meg's boyfriend is in love with me. Not that I care, I mean, it won't matter once I explain to him what's going on with us. But what would I tell him is going on with us?

Stewie: Dear God, I have a shoe appointment in the morning and I want to be fresh!

Dr. Hartman: Yeah that's... that's not supposed to be there so, she should probably always wear a hat.

Lois: Oh, I wouldn't worry about it Bonnie. I've put Stewie in the oven a buncha times. As long as you come to your senses in 15 minutes, everything's fine.
Peter: Lois, can I go slip'n'slide in the yard?
Lois: Has it been half an hour since you've eaten?
Peter: Yes. Almost.
Lois: OK, I just wanna be sure you don't get a cramp.
Peter: Yay, poor people water fun!

Lois: Meg, are you asking... whether it's appropriate for a girl to ask a boy out on a date? Of course it's appropriate! It's also sad and desperate and I would never do it, but you're not me, are you, sweetie?

Meg: Bye, Patty. Bye, Esther. Bye, overzealous Asian kids lining up to be the first ones in school tomorrow.
Asian Student 1: Ah, go away! No time to say bye!
Asian Student 2: Ha ha ha! I pass you 'cause you lose focus!
Asian Student 1: Damn. Lost focus. Life over!

Stewie: Hey! It's 10:30! I suggest you take your dope and go elsewhere!

Meg: Chris, please just sleep with Kent, and then tell me all about it.

Meg: [Regarding Kent] Come on, Chris; he'll do all the work.
Chris: I said no, Meg!
Meg: I'll pay you $100.
Chris: Oh, fine. I'll keep it in my bum; there'll be plenty of room. That's my sarcastic way of saying it's not gonna happen!

Quagmire: Roofies, huh? Pretty big pill for such a little girl.
Meg: Yeah, I know, but I asked someone to do me a favor, and they're not too keen on doing it.
Quagmire: Oh, I know what they're for, honey.

Quagmire: Call me if you get arrested.
Meg: I will. Thanks.

Stewie: Clothes sure are a prison, aren't they?

Stewie: What's this? Ooh, candy!

Stewie: Do either of you know what poison ivy looks like?

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