Quagmire: Yeah!
Joe: Water slide!
Peter: Summer fun!

Peter: Stewie, go on. Get outta here! You stupid "Laugh and cry, effin' cry", what's the difference?

Peter's Ghost: [referring to his sober self] Who the fuck is this jerk?

[Peter dies in a car crash. Death comes into frame]
Death: Please be Rosie O'Donnell, please be Rosie O'Donnell, please be Rosie O'Donnell! [flips body over and sees that it's Peter and sighs] Wait, is it?

Death: Hey, fatty, wake up.
[Peter's ghost escapes from his body]
Peter's Ghost: Wh...What the-What happened?
Death: You're dead, jackass. You died in a drunk-driving accident.
Peter's Ghost: Oh, God, did I hold on to the touchdown pass?
Death: What th-What's wrong with you?
Peter's Ghost: Y'know what? I was so drunk my ghost is drunk.

Brian: Ah, good. It's starting.
Peter: Yeah, that's what YOU say. I can never figure out when the hell the studio logos end and the actual movie begins. [20th Century Fox logo plays] Alright. Let's see what you got, Fox. [map pops out from under the water on the screen]
Peter: Oh, I bet that's a sea monster. [revealed to be logo for Underwater Map Productions]
Peter: Oh, that's not the movie. That's... yeah, I think I've heard of them. [Once Upon a Time... shows up on screen]
Peter: Here we go. Movie! ["STUDIOS" shows up from under the caption]
Peter: Well, now that seems intentionally misleading. [airplane comes up on screen] Alright, someone's coming to town! [revealed to be logo for Arriving Flight Productions]
Peter: Oh, for crying out loud! [image of India shown with the caption "India, 1853"]
Peter: Alright, a period movie. [zooms out to show that it's the logo for Country-and-Date Productions]
Peter: Oh, not a period movie. [guy on screen runs into a house in a thunderstorm]
Peter: Oh, this guy's in trouble. Can't wait to hear his story. [flashes and tints into black and white on-screen to show that it's the logo for Panting Man's Wounded Shoulder Films]
Peter: Oh, COME ON!

Stewie: I see you have something new going on this week, but there's a new teacher in preschool who deactivates the camera and hits us.

Death: You members of the human race have the power to send a man to the moon and make Justin Long a movie star. With that kind of willpower, don't you think you can learn how to put the bottle down, just Sometimes?
Peter: We did it with Justin Long, didn't we? America said no but we kept at it!

Stewie: [about his preschool teacher] She slams us against the monkey bars, but none of us have the language skills to call her on it.

Peter: [Falls through cinema screen] Oh my God, I think I'm in Narnia!

Gretl: I've got a sore finger.
Peter: I don't give a crap! We got bigger problems.

Peter: Oh come on! That's not a sports car. H...How does that even kill a kid? What-cha-what-cha do, hit her over the head with it?

Previous Episode's Quotes /// Friends of Peter G's Quotes \\\ Next Episode's Quotes