Stewie: Oh my God, I knew this day would come. Rupert, we are under attack by monsters, dear god. Oh but wait, there's Superman, he'll save us. Superman! Superman! Wa...wait, where you going? Aw to hell with him. Well have to deal with these marauders ourselves. Rupert, man your stations! [Pulls out M16 and cocks it] Alright, you undead Bastards. Time to send you back to hell! [Fires his M16] AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!
[Three tough-looking adolescent neighborhood boys have ridden up to Stewie on bikes, towering over him so that he is immersed in their shadows]
Bully[mocking]: Hey kid, nice costume.
Stewie: Really? Oh, my God, thank you so much; my mother bought it for me, and I was worried it would be a tad banal, but if you big kids like it then it must be pretty cool!
Stewie: Brian please this is my first Halloween and it's ruined.
Connie: Ok, your turn to spin the bottle guy dressed like Bill Clinton.
[spins bottle. Bottle stops to a girl dressed like Wonder Woman]
Bill Clinton: alright, let's go make some white water.
Peter: UGLY BITCHES!!!
[Chris and Meg are making out in the closet]
Meg: WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE??!!!
Chris: TRYING TO GRAB SOME BOOB!!!
Meg: FROM YOUR SISTER??!!
Chris: I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS YOU!!!
Meg: WHO DID YOU THINK IT WAS??!!!
Chris: SOME BITCH!! WHO CARES?!!
Meg: OH, WE DID SO MUCH!!!
Chris: SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP!!!
Meg: WE'RE DISGUSTING!!! WE'RE A DISGRACE TO OUR FAMILY!!!
Bill Clinton: [enters the closet in his underwear] Ah, maybe I can get in on this!
Peter: Happy Halloween, Fuck Face!
Quagmire: Oh yeah, I'm very in touch with my Asian roots. You notice I take my shoes off whenever I enter my house? I do five hours of math homework every night even though I'm no longer in school. Sometimes, I drink out of a wood box. I was a very cute baby and now I'm a joyless adult.
Stewie: It's True Blood.
Brian: No one knows what that is.
Stewie: Rich, gay people do.
Pink Panther: Hey, first day being pink?
Pink Panther: Welcome to Hell.
Lois: [to Meg] Where you off to, sweetie? You gonna go see three movies in a row so it seems like you're off doing something?
Lois: [to Chris about his Halloween costume] You can't just around in Blackface. It's racist. Now go upstairs and put on that Indian chief costume I bought you.
Brian: How would you not know about trick or treaters?
Stewie: Well, how would you not know that your reflection on the patio door is another dog?
Brian: Hey, that guy's a dick!
[Cutaway to Brian walking at the patio where he sees his reflection]
Brian: Hey, get outta here! This is my house! [he tackles the door and gets knocked out, and then Peter walks by]
Peter: Oh my God! Brian, what happened! Who did this to you? [he sees his reflection] Did you do this!? You son of a bitch!
Stewie: Well, there's only one thing to do now. Go to plan B...MOM!
Justin's Mother: I am so sorry, Mrs. Griffin. I have no idea what got into my son.
Lois: Well, just have him return the candy and everything's fine.
Justin's Mother: Justin, you give this young man his candy back right now.
Justin: All right. Here.
Lois: Thanks. Now we want Justin's candy.
Justin's Mother: What?
Lois: You heard me. Take Justin's bag of candy and pour it into Stewie's. All of it. And if I think you're holding back on me, we're gonna have a serious problem.
Stewie: Well, all right. That's what I'm talkin' about. Yeah, serious problem.
Lois: Good. Now, go in your purse, take out $40 and put it in the bag.
Stewie: All right, Lois, you're kind of scaring me now.
Justin's Mother: I... I don't have $40.
Lois: All right, I understand. I'll be back tomorrow for the $80. And I'm takin' your welcome mat.