Janice: He like, threw me down and he said "I hope your puppeteer has big hands because I'm not using lube."
Animal: Me no remember that, believe it happened.

Tough guy: Smells like this guy already wet himself.
Peter: Don't flatter yourself, that was from this morning.

Peter: It says Glenn Quagmire. But if you squint and imagine it says 'Peter Griffin', it says Peter Griffin!

Stewie: Brian, I want you inside me.
Brian: You don't have to say like that.

Stewie: Hey, Dad, that's a cool hwhip. [gets whipped by Peter] AAAH!! I thought you couldn't understand me!!

Peter: Meg, you're gay!
Meg: No I'm not.
Peter: You like guys, right?
Meg: Yeah.
Peter: That's called being gay!

Peter: You know, Lois? Physicists believe there are two alternate universes, one in which I don't open the box, and one in which I do. [cut to the former universe] I'm not gonna open the box. [gets shot by Lois, cut to the latter universe] I'm gonna open the box. Ah, sweet! It's a whip! [whips the carpet]
Lois: Peter, be careful with that thing! Remember we're rentin' this house!
Stewie: That's depressing.
Peter: Wow! I haven't felt this powerful since I got to decide which ant lives and which ant dies. [cut to him speaking to two ants] You shall battle to the death, and the winner will be given his freedom! Why're you lookin' at me like that?
Lois: Peter, would you like a glass of... [sees that Peter has been killed by the ants] Oh my God! I told you not to play God with those ants!

Brian: You know, I'm so glad you finally agreed to go out with me, Jenna.
Jenna: Me, too. I'm having a really nice time. You seem like a great guy.
Stewie: Yes, thank you, we'll take the table in the corner, next to the herpes dog.
Chris: Oh, hey, Brian. And who's your date? Wow, you must be such a good person to knowingly go out with a herpes-riddled dirtbag.
Jenna: Ew! I'm sorry, Brian. I...I've got to go.
Brian: Damn it, you guys! Her dad's really rich!
[Jenna boards in a rocket ship as she leaves]
Stewie: Wow, you weren't kidding.
Brian: Yeah.

Peter: I was in this booth when the Challenger exploded! [in flashback] Oh my God, no! [cut back to the present] I was in this booth on 9/11! [in flashback] Oh my God, no! [cut back to the present] I was in this booth when President Obama was elected! [in flashback] Oh my God, no!

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