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Lois: Peter, we can't have a bat flying around the house. We gotta do something.
Peter: Don't worry, Lois, I'll get rid of it. It'll be a piece of cake. Just like my penis enhancement.
[Cutaway to Peter at the doctor's office]
Peter: I want it to hang down to my knees.
[Peter leaves the building, with extremely short legs]
Peter: They moved up my knees.

[Peter hits Stewie with the tennis racket]
Stewie: Ow! You can beat me, but I am who I am!

Dr. Hartman: Good news. Stewie's hand looks fine.
[Dr. Hartman puts up an X-ray of Stewie's hand]
Peter: Oh, hey. High five.

Brian: I can't believe you guys. Don't you realize you're contributing to a potential public health disaster by not vaccinating your child?
Lois: That's exactly the point. My child. He's my child and nothing matters more than his well-being.
Stewie: Oh, God. This is gonna be a Lois story, isn't it? [to the camera] Game of Thrones is on. Just a reminder.

Peter: We made this mistake before. We got the other kids vaccinated, but Meg still got chicken pox.
Meg: Dad, this is acne.
Peter: Girl, you nasty.

Peter: The brothers who made The Matrix are ladies now!

Stewie: Proper hygiene depends on everyone, Brian. For instance, I've already saran wrapped Chris.
Chris: I'm a gas station sandwich!

Peter: Who's up for another game of hot breath telephone? [whispers in Chris' ear]
Chris: WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!
Peter: Chris, you're supposed to whisper that to the next person.

Lois: Oh my God, Peter! You've got measles!
Peter: Now hold on. Hold on. Before we all freak out, it might just be full body herpes.
Meg: Wait, you guys, dad might not have been vaccinated. Didn't Grandma say he was born in Mexico?
Peter: Nobody remembers that, Meg.

Brian: Look! There's a Family Circus dotted path. It'll lead us right to him.
[A Family Circus dotted path leads to Billy's dead corpse]
Brian: Ah, it's just Billy. He died of measles ... and here comes Marmaduke to lick up the vomit ... lucky.

Stewie: If I can just escape this quarantine and make it to the next town, I'll be able to get that vaccine I need.
[Stewie's future self time travels into his area]
Future Stewie: Stewie! I'm you from the future! You've gotta get the hell out of town before you get sick!
Present Stewie: Yeah, I know. That's what I'm doing.
Future Stewie: Okay, I'm really here, because you have glue.
[Future Stewie points a gun at Present Stewie]
Future Stewie: Give me the glue!
[Present Stewie gives Future Stewie a tube of glue, which he snorts]
Future Stewie: Stewie, listen to me. Never ever do this great thing I love.

Joe: So, we were all there at the Clam, just kind of making music together and then Peter, of course, had to join in and clap his hands and I said "HEY! THAT'S ENOUGH OF THAT!" Yeah, I kind of run the group.


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