Lois: Guess who I just ran into at the market? Ross Fishman!
Peter: Your old boyfriend? The one with the penis?
[Competing over dinner with Ross Fishman]
Peter: Shirts off! I want to see who's got bigger pecs. [Tears off his shirt]
Peter: Well, they look better when they're oiled up. [To Chris] Pass the salad dressing. Oh, no, it's an almost empty squeeze bottle. Hang on. [squirts whatever is left onto his body] Eh, it's all out. [to Chris] There's dressing on that salad! Gimme that salad! [puts some salad onto his body] Yeah, who's the better man now, Ross?!
Ross: Well, this year is perhaps our biggest trip ever. We're climbing Mt. Everest.
Peter: Oh, yeah, is that right? Well, so are we!
Lois: We are?
Ross: Peter, I highly doubt that. I mean, no offense, but it doesn't look like your family would be up to the task.
Brian: I think he's right about that. After all, we couldn't even turn the double play.
[cut to the Griffins on a ball field, with Peter on second base]
Peter: Alright, Griffins, on the ground, we're goin' to second. Let's turn to here. Ground ball's a double play ball plays in second. Let's look sharp. Tough team tough team. Let's flash that leather. Head in the game. Play's at second. This infield is a Great Wall of China, nothin's gettin' past us. Good deal, behind ya, Bri, good deal all around. [a fastball punches Peter in the throat, changing his voice to sound like Stewie] I'm okay, everyone. Don't worry. I am okay. My voice sounds weird. This is weird, I know, but I feel fine.
Peter: [to Ross] On a scale of 1 to 10, how bad is the bathroom situation up here? Like "10" is a Swede at the Four Seasons and "1" is a tied-up raincoat sleeve at a party in your honor.
Peter: We don't need a map, Brian. I got us a GPMS machine.
[Peter activates the machine]
GPMS machine: Go up! What do you think?! Just go up!
GPMS machine: Okay, can everyone just stop freaking out and just gimme, like, two minutes?! God!! [sobbing] Everyone's always yelling at me...all the questions!
Peter: Alright, maybe, we'll turn you on later and see how you feel. [turns machine off, to Brian] She was so nice in the store.
Peter: I think I got altitude sickness.
[After Peter throws up on Mt. Everest, it freezes solid]
Peter: Hey Brian, you want a pukesickle?
Brian: I would love a pukesickle.
Peter: Hey, ya know, I heard that when you drink at high altitude, it hits you even faster. [drinks a Pawtucket Patriot] WOOOO! Partyyyyyyy! I love you guys! You don't know how much you mean to me! You think you're better than me?! Why can't you hit a curveball?! [sobbing] I've done nothing with my life!
Peter: I think I left the weed whacker on.
Lois: Close the tent now! It's freezing!
Peter: "Headline: Woman Cold."
Peter: Everyone do a hilarious pose so that when they dig out our bodies, they have a good laugh.
[Peter has fallen into a large opening]
Peter: There's a huge pile of dead bodies down here that cushioned my fall!
Lois: Do any of them seem like they have any extra tampons in their backpacks?!
Peter: Uh, no!
Lois: "No", like you checked and there aren't any "no", or "no", you're just assumin'?!