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Jerry Kirkwood is the minister for the Opal Ring Crusade in Prick Up Your Ears. He and his organization encourages teens to practice abstinence, and he does so by scaring them with flawed, biased, and completely ridiculous information for example sex will cause one's penis to fall off and be eaten by dogs, automatically turns people into al Qaeda agents, condoms do not work and are extremely dangerous, as well as others. He works very hard to connect with his audience. He is voiced by David Cross.