Joseph (Peter): Y'know, this is the same picnic basket we drowned my sister in. Was back when they were like "Drown all the girls!" and then they were like "Don't drown all the girls!" but, she was born on a drowning week so, y'know. Achoo!

Donkey (Meg): So, you guys are goin to Bethlehem huh? I went there one time on a donkey's night out. Oh my God!; I got sooo hammered!

Joseph (Peter): [Trying to have sex with Mary/Lois] I can't believe how hard you're making me work.
The Virgin Mary (Lois): Well, I did have a good virginity coach.
Consuela: No, no, no.
The Virgin Mary (Lois): Ok, I think I got it. How's this?...
[In Consuela's accent] No, no, no.
Consuela: No, no, no.

Joseph (Peter): Do you have any rooms available? My wife is with child and about to give birth, and I am with burrito and about to do the same!

Jesus (Stewie): My mom may be a virgin, but I am one bad mother!

Jesus (Stewie): And B.C. turns to A.D.! How everybody doin?

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