[Peter makes the 'I'm watching you' sign]
Joe: What is that?
Peter: Let's use our eyes... to see.

Brian: Stupid cat!

Peter: Quagmire and I'll help you bring this guy to justice!
Quagmire: [through clenched teeth] Peter, what'd I say about you volunteering me for shit?

Quagmire: Joe, hold your handcuffs over my lap. [Joe unzips Quagmire and looks at Quagmire's penis]
Joe: What the hell is that?
Quagmire: Swiss army penis. [breaks Joe's handcuffs]
Joe: Whoa Quagmire, that's incredible.
Quagmire: Peter. [fails to break Peter's handcuffs] Your's are made of stronger metal. We're gonna have to go with acetylene torch penis. [welding sounds are heard] Don't look right into it. My STD's help it burn brighter.

Peter: Hey Quagmire, you uh... you ever been in Atlantic City before?
Quagmire: Once, about 20 years ago, why?
Quagmire kid 1: All right!
Quagmire kid 2: All right!
Quagmire kid 1: All right!
Quagmire kid 2: All right!

Giant Bird: What's goin on in here?
Founding Father: N...nothing. Just bellyaching about the British.
Giant Bird: Get back to warmin those eggs.

Kevin: And then we dug the bullets out of that Iraqi family's skulls so they couldn't be traced back to us.
Susie: 'Today I saw a balloon.'

Cop: Hey, you're not in uniform. Are you guys cops?
Peter: Are you guys cops?
Cop: They know we're not cops!

South America: Hmm, lotta black guys over there.
Africa: Hey man, where you goin?
South America: I'll be back, I'm comin back, I'll be right back.

Gayjacker: This plane's goin to Miami!

Peter: Hey I got an idea, let's make scalding asphalt angels. Ow ow, ow ow, ow ow! Second-degree burns, first-degree fun.

Quagmire: Joe, you have blood just pouring out of your pant leg.
Joe: Yeah, I had a ball blown in the river.

Peter: Clean that up, you idiot. Love you!

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