Tom Tucker: For you parents, toad licking is also known as Lilypadding, Frenching the Prince and doing Kermit.
Peter Griffin: Believe me Chris, you don't wanna mess with drugs; I tried 'em once...big mistake, things got way too real.
[cut to Peter in the real world]
Peter: Holy crap, I am freakin' out!
Peter: You don't remember what it's like to be my age!
Lois: I'm two years younger than you!
Peter: Huh... Gregg Allman, how did you handle it when life got you down?
Gregg Allman: [emerging from a poster] Me? I did a lot of drugs, married some broad named Cher... I wouldn't recommend either one of them.
[Peter (as Lando) enters thru the library door]
Peter: Holy crap, it's the Breakfast Club! [the "club" consists of Toucan Sam, Tony the Tiger, Trix Rabbit, Lucky and Cap'n Crunch]
Tony The Tiger: You know what I got for Christmas? It was a banner freakin' year at the Tiger house; I got a carton of cigarettes. Old man grabbed me and said, "Ey, smoke up Tony, they're grrrreat!" Bastard.
Peter: And that's my plan, Principal Shepard. So, you with me?
Principal: But...you didn't tell me anything. You just sat down and said "And that's my plan".
Peter: Oh...Oh, right. O...okay, here's my idea. [the scene cuts to the end] And that's my plan, Principal Shepard.
Principal: Well, Mr. Griffin, I don't like it. [the principal pushes Peter out of his office]
[later in the Griffin home, Peter sits on the couch. Suddenly, the phone rings. Peter answers it]
Principal: ...I love it! You have the faculty's full support, but how will you pull it off?
Peter: You let me worry about that, kitten.
Peter: I'll tell you Lois, High school is a lot more fun this time around. And it's a lot safer now that all the kids have guns.
Stewie: You know, mother, this could almost have pass for a palatable banana pudding, but without 'nilla wafers, it's just another one of your wretched culinary abortions. [shoves pudding off and crashes to ground] Now clean it up!
[D'Amico residence. Connie's parents watch Peter chowing potato chips]
Mr. D'Amico: So, uh..Lando... how old did you say you were again?
Peter: Seventeen. [long pause; unsurprised] An' a half. [gasps. Connie comes downstairs in her dress] Sweet statutory, you look beautiful! [Connie's parent look uncertain] Don't worry, I'll take good care of your kid. I got a daughter of my own, y'know.
Peter: Hah, this is great; not only that I live long enough to see Meg go to her first dance, but I'm taking her too. Thanks, Geritol.
Teacher: A girl answered a math problem, you know what the means. A WITCH!
Mr. Berler: All right, what's going on back here? Oh hello Megan. Wait a minute, you're not part of the popular clique. You run along and play alone somewhere. Shame on you all, getting her hopes up like that.
Peter: I had such a crush on her...until I met you, Lois. You're my silver medal.
Peter: Hey, Connie pulled a power move. And when the hottest girl in school asks you to the dance, you don't say no. You say "Hobba hobba hobba hobba, okay!"