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- Father Sapienza: Yo! God is good, eh? And he expects us to be good. And if you're not, he's gonna come down and bust your freaking skull, amen.
- Leafer: Patriots suck!
- Peter: [gasps] Blasphemy! [throws "holy water" at the leafer]
- Leafer: Argh! Aggh, it burns! Aajik...
- [cutaway to a lab. A scientist picks up a bottle]
- Scientist: Holy water. Where's that acid that I ordered?
- Peter: Hey Horace, put the Pats game on the TV and get me a few beers, eh?
- Horace: Sorry, Peter. Someone stole the remotes. And the kegs! And I'm not sure but I think I've been shot. [looks at bullet wound in his stomach] Yep.
- Bonnie: Wow, you're doing great for your first lesson.
- Lois: I'm really cuttin' loose, just like Julie Andrews in that movie where she showed her breasts.
- [cutaway to Mary Poppins. Focus on Jane and Michael Banks]
- Michael: Oh Mary, you'll never leave us, will you? [Mary unbuttons her top, exposing her chest] Yes, those are lovely, but it doesn't quite answer our question.
- Peter: Jets suck, Yankees suck, Knicks suck. Krypton sucks.
- Brian: LEAFEEERRRS!
- Peter: Come one, come all. She soars like a butterfly and stings like when I pee.
- Stewie: Why you tottering fem-sucked dewberry! I'm going to find something to strike you with! Excuse me.
- [Quagmire is looking out the window naked at Lois beating up New Yorkers]
- Quagmire: Oh, that was strangely arousing. [the window slams shut] Ow! [dials a telephone] Hello, 911? It's Quagmire. Yeah... Yeah, yeah, it's in the window this time.
- Peter: And shame on the network that puts this junk on the air!
- Lois: Peter? Peter, maybe you shouldn't say anything bad about the network.
- Peter: Why? What are they gonna do? Cut our budget? I'm gonna go get a beer.
- Peter: Lois, brothers and sisters fighting is as natural as a white man's dialog in a Spike Lee movie.
- Black actor: What's up? Can I get two slices of pepperoni?
- White actor: [growling] rowwwwww!
- Quagmire: Whoa! Transvestite! Back off! Wait a sec, pre-op or post-op?