Brian: You've... you've given me a wonderful life... I love you all.

Brian: Damn it, Stewie, what the hell did you do?!
Stewie: I know, I know, I messed up.
Brian: [Mocks] "I messed up!" [Normal voice] You went back to 17th-century Jamestown and you gave guns to the Indians. And now they're running everything!
Stewie: I said I messed up, all right?! I guess I just have this pathological need to be liked.
Brian: Well, it's not a good trait.
Stewie: Oh, come on. Don't say that. Let me buy you lunch.
Brian: Thanks to you, the Indians killed all the white people and took over America. I mean, you're the one who's always saying, "Never alter the past".
Stewie: Oh, come on, Brian, let's be honest. I frequently alter the past.
[Cutaway to Jesus and the 12 apostles. Jesus is reading a paper]
Jesus: All right, so, I guess we'll split the bill 13 ways?
Stewie: Hey, Judas, he ordered like 5 margaritas. All you had was a salad.

Stewie: Brian, look out! Gah, Brian!
Lois: Oh my God! Brian! Brian, can you hear me?!
Peter: Holy crap, what the hell happened?!
Squirrel: [As he kicks Brian's head] That guy sucked!

[Peter is sitting next to a beheaded chicken carrying its head]
Peter: Aren't you supposed to be running around?
Chicken: Don't talk to me. You have a bad reputation in the chicken community.

Stewie: Oh, dear, Rupert. Without those capacitors, it'll be completely impossible to build a functioning time machine. I guess that means Brian is ... really gone for good.

[Peter giving Brian's eulogy]
Peter: Hoo boy, this is probably the worst pain I've ever had to go through. And I've sprained my ankle twice. Um, the truth is Brian wasn't just my dog, he was my best friend in the whole world. He was smart, he was loyal, and... I guess what I'm trying to say is, he was like a brother to me. And I'm gonna spend the rest of my life missing him.
Lois: We're all gonna miss him, Peter. We're all gonna miss him very much.

Vinny: What's the matter?
Stewie: Fine! D'you wanna know what's the matter?! You're the matter! Everyone in this family is so damn thrilled with you they forgot all about Brian! Well, I'm not thrilled! I'll never forget Brian! He was my best friend! You're not supposed to lose your best friend at my age! You're not supposed to lose him ever!
Vinny: Look, Stewie, I know it doesn't seem like it now, but you're gonna be okay.
Stewie: Yeah, right! How do you know?
Vinny: Because, I once had a thing, ih, happen to me with some stuff.
Stewie: Really? That's what's happening to me! Stuff!
Vinny: Y'know, before you guys found me in the shop, I lived with an old man named Leo. It was just him and me in a tiny apartment and we got pretty tight. He kinda became my whole world. By da time he passed away, it was real toff.
Stewie: So...wuh-how did he die?
Vinny: He tried ta go to a yoga class, and on da first pose, his ball-sack split in half.
Stewie: Really?
Vinny: Yeah, it was on Dateline, it was a whole thing. Anyway, I guess Leo was kinda like my Brian.
Stewie: Well, so how'd you get over him?
Vinny: Well, I met your family in the pet store. When I saw you guys lookin' for a dog, I kinda sensed you were goin' tru da same feelin's o' loss dat I was. And it made me think, "Hey, maybe I was meant ta find dees guys. Maybe we were meant to be together."
Stewie: You know what, Vinny? I'm starting to think that may be true.
Vinny: Heh-heh! Bring it in, Stewie!

Lois: Oh my God, I almost served Brian again. I can't believe he's been gone a whole month.
Stewie: Can't we at least get rid of the doggy door so Chris doesn't keep getting stuck in it?
Chris: Everyday, I get a little further in.

Vinny: Hey you, what's your name?
Chris: Chris.
Vinny: How 'bout I call you "hat-boy".
Chris: Hell yeah!
Lois: Lower your voice, Chris.
Chris: It's Hat-boy, bitch!

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