[As Peter is watching TV, Brian comes in]
Brian: Peter, what are you doing?
Peter: I'm watching this awesome show, Brian. See, they took all these colors, and they're making them all live together in a beach-house. Now, the red one is sleeping with the green one, the blue one thinks he's gonna have a career in music, and the yellow one is just a total bitch!
Brian: Peter, that's just a channel that's gone off the air.
Announcer: And we'll be right back with more Color Bar Beach-House after these messages!
Brian: Oh.

[During a meeting at the Pawtucket Brewery]
Angela: So as you can see, our output is up one-and-a-half percent. That's not net, I'm talking gross.
Peter: [under his breath] You do everything gross.

[Just before the death of Osama Bin Laden]
[is killed and goes to Heaven]
Osama: Yes!

Peter: Excuse me, how do I get back through the looking glass?
Sane Hatter: Oh yeah. Take two lefts, and it's the first door on your right.
Peter: Cool. Great. Thanks for not giving me the run-around. I asked that guy over there, but he just gave me a bunch of rhyming nonsense.
[The Mad Hatter pours tea from a three spouted teapot until the teacups overflows and fans himself with playing cards while having a crazed look]
Sane Hatter: Oh yeah. He's like a well-known dick.

[Lois sees a pair of enormous claw-like footprints in Peter's baby book]
Peter: When I was eight, I was a dragon.

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