TV Announcer: We now return to The Last Man on Earth, plus these other 16 people, with more showing up every day.
Peter: Aw, no way they'll pull this off. A show with just one character and an unlimited number of other characters?

[Peter loudly plays a drum set]
Peter: FYI, my mom's not picking me up for a long time, because ...
[Peter performs a drum roll]
Peter: She's dead!

[Peter gets a message on his phone]
Peter: Oh, boy. Amber alert. Stewie was last seen with a goat in a 98 Toyota Tercel, heading north on I-95.
Carter: How do you turn those off, by the way?

Natalia: Next book, Everybody Poops ... Blood.

Peter: Give me two of those round balls of butter and a bread stick. You'll see where I'm heading with this. Okay, look, look, look. [makes a phallic shape with the food] Here's what you want. [Bites the bread stick in half] Here's what you got.

Lois: Donna, have you seen this Black-ish"?
Donna: Why you asking me that?
Lois: I don't know, it seems like you might like it.
[A Chinese waiter comes up]
Lois: Oh, and waiter. Have you seen this Fresh off the Boat?
Waiter: Why are you asking me that?
Lois: I don't know, it seems like you might like it. [notices Mort offscreen] Oh, there's Mort. Mort! Have you seen this, The Goldbergs?
Mort: [offscreen] Yes, I like it, cuz I'm Jewish.

Peter: I love how you share things that were told to you in confidence.

[Peter, acting in an independent film, receives a phone call]
Peter: Hello? ... I see.
[Peter hangs up]
Lois: What is it?
Peter: I've been assassinated.

[Peter and Lois wake up after a night of sex]
Lois: Wow, what a night. I guess someone's sleep number is 69.
[Peter looks under the covers]
Peter: Uh, yes, it was apparently also number 2.

Peter: This is Family Guy. We only do the male side of the joke.

Cleveland: I have dibs on whatever silliness Peter loses interest in. [Cleveland puts on a hat] Remember this? To the Clevelandcopter! [Cleveland flies a helicopter, designed to look like him] The mustache obscures my view!

Peter: Hey, look. Cookies.
Lois: Chocolate chip?
Peter: Oatmeal raisin.
Lois: FUCK!

Peter: Oh, here's another note. [reads note] How adorable were those first two notes? I hope you read this one third.

[Peter turns on a really loud ceiling fan]
Peter: Can you notice that?
Lois: Yeah.
Peter: Can you notice anything in the world, other than that?

[Natalia walks in on Chris and Meg, kissing]
Natalia: No kissing on the bed!

[Cleveland is driving and Natalia holds a gun up to him]
Natalia: Out!
[Cleveland gets out of the car and Natalia drives off with it]
Cleveland: Boy, that was a close one. Up, my son was in the back seat.

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[Stewie and Natalia are in a plane and Natalia straps a parachute onto Stewie]
Stewie: Where are we going?
Natalia: You going home. Count to three and pull cord.
[Natalia throws Stewie off the plane]
Stewie: Aaaaaah! I don't know my numbers!

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