The British are a lovely people ...
One if by Clam, Two if by Sea
Horace sells the Clam to a British man who turns it into a pub
Season: 3 Episode: 4
Total Episode Count: 32
Prod. no.: 2ACX19
First Aired: August 1, 2001
Guest Starring: Hugh Laurie, Ed Asner, John G. Brennan, Tara Strong
Featuring: Peter Griffin, Lois Griffin, Nigel Pinchley, Stewie Griffin, Eliza Pinchley
Also Appearing: Horace, Cleveland, Joe, Quagmire, Meg, Chris, Brian, Tom Tucker, Diane Simmons, Greg the Weather Mime, Steve Bellows, Tricia Takanawa, Maria Jimenez, Rupert, Demond Wilson, Bonnie Swanson, Loretta Brown, Eric, Queen Elizabeth II
Musical Numbers: Life of the Wife
Director: Dan Povenmire
Assistant Director: Sarah Frost
Writers: Jim Bernstein, Michael Shipley
Storyboarders: Shavonne Cherry, Gabriel DeFrancisco, Sarah Frost
Plot: Flashbacks at the beginning establish that Peter has been working at the toy factory and going to The Drunken Clam regularly since 1977.
A hurricane convinces the Drunken Clam’s owner Horace to sell the bar, and an Englishman named Nigel Pinchley turns it into a British pub. Upset over the loss of their favorite bar, Peter and friends storm a British ship in an attempt to recreate the Boston Tea Party with beer.
When the pub mysteriously burns down that night, Peter, Quagmire, Cleveland, and Joe are thrown in jail. The Quahog 5 Action News broadcasts a picture of a giant bug burning the city as the “artist’s rendering” of the suspect. Lois plans to trick Nigel into confessing that he torched his own pub for the dual goals of insurance money and to send Peter to jail, intending to have Bonnie and Loretta as witnesses. However, they were not there when he admits his crimes, but the representative of the insurance company was in his closet by coincidence and overheard everything.
Meanwhile, in a parody of the British musical My Fair Lady, Stewie tries to teach Eliza Pinchley, Nigel’s daughter, to overcome her “common” Cockney accent and speak “proper” English. He wagers with Brian that she will be a proper lady at her birthday party. At first, Stewie's efforts to improve her pronunciation are in vain, but eventually Eliza "gets it", and this is celebrated in the musical number "Life of the Wife", a parody of "The Rain in Spain". At the birthday party, Eliza does admirably, until she wets herself in front of everybody.
After her father gets hanged, Eliza gets sent to a rat-hole orphanage and sends Stewie a letter threatening to kill Lois if she gets out. Stewie enjoys reading her letter.