Brian: I mean I was having fun, making new friends, getting laid all the time, sleeping like a rock, but you made the call. You unilaterally decided I was better off a bitter alcoholic failure who could only hang out with a baby.
Stewie: Hey! We have fun.
Ruth: Your mom's so fucking hot!
Brian: Oh, cool. My friend Pete is here. Pete Za. [chuckles] Nom, nom, nom, nom. That's going to be me in, like, five minutes!
Peter: It's fun being stupid. You don't gotta worry about nothing, you don't gotta read books and you never die.
Brian: Peter, that's not correct.
Peter: How would you know, stupid? [Chris and Stewie laugh]
Brian: Thanks a lot, SAT.
Peter: Like what the gay scientist says.
[Brian gets a nosebleed]
Peter: Gross! He's getting his nose period.
Dr. Hartman: I did a CAT scan.
Peter: On a dog. [laughs]
Dr. Hartman: We laughed about that, too.
Brian: I'm awesome-sauce.
Stewie: Either take the tumor out of him or put one in me! I can't stand this!
Brian: Hey, this isn't the Kenny Chesney concert!
Dog: [after being sent to outer space by the Soviet Union] Joke on them! I find happy dog planet. In 50 years, we all go back to Earth and bite everybody, but now, we dance!