Peter: [interrupting] They're a part of the Rebel alliance, and a traitor. Take them away!
Peter: Hey, look, Lois, The John McCain Experience! [he pays money to be locked up in a bamboo cage while a Vietnamese person tortures him] Ahh! Agh! Agh! I want to be President!
Peter: [dressed up in an American flag suit] Good morning, my American family!
Lois: Peter, where did you get that suit?
Stewie: My God, you look like the Statue of Liberty's pimp. [he and Brian high-five each other]
Peter: This is how a patriot dresses, Lois! Boy, I never knew it would feel this good to love my country. It's like loving God or a step-parent. You never really feel them love you back, but that's okay, because they got other stuff going on and you understand.
Brian: Peter, you do realize there's a difference between loving America and being swept up in post-9/11 paranoia.
Peter: Brian, are you suggesting that 9/11 didn't change everything?
Brian: Peter, you didn't even know what 9/11 was until 2004.
[in the back yard. Peter has a goat tied up near some bushes. Lois walks out]
Lois: Peter, what the hell are you doing?
Peter: Lois, I am doing my duty as a patriotic American! I'm sacrificing a goat to Toby Keith.
Lois: Peter, Toby Keith doesn't want to be fed. Toby Keith wants to hunt!
Joe: Wow, Peter, you're really becoming quite the Patriot.
Peter: You bet I am. I just had my penis tattooed to look like the space shuttle, and my 'nads tattooed to look like launch exhaust.
Quagmire: [in his head] That bastard! That was my idea; he stole it! I was gonna do that to my penis! Oh, well, maybe I can do something else. Like, like, like the Space Needle... or a banana... or a Sharpie. Ah, I'm boring myself. Guess I'll just listen to some music.
Peter: Angela, I have a complaint.
Angela: What is it, Griffin?
Peter: I think Fouad is an illegal immigrant, and I cannot stand by while he steals wages and opportunities from citizens. I mean, this is an American company! You don't see Nike or Microsoft or General Motors or Ford or Boeing or Coca-Cola or Kellogg's profiting from non-American labor.
Fouad: [in the hallway] Oh-ho-ho! Is funny because they all do! Oh-ho-ho!
Angela: You have a point, Griffin. Maybe we should run a company-wide check to make sure all our personnel are legal citizens.
Peter: Now you're talking, Angela! This country needs more immigrants like my cousin Peter the Pig needs a new house.
[cutaway to the Big Bad Wolf trying to blow down a straw house]
Peter the Pig: [from inside] Uh, I wouldn't do that if I were you.
Big Bad Wolf: What?
Peter the Pig: I said I wouldn't do that. [the wolf continues blowing] I said knock it off!
Big Bad Wolf: Why?
Peter the Pig: [hushed voice] Because I just made stool in there, and if you blow it down, the whole woods is gonna stink. Do you understand? Do you understand me, sir?
Thelma: Peter, as far as the U.S. government is concerned, you are an illegal Mexican immigrant.
Peter: Holy crap!
INS employee: The only thing remaining is the oral test, which I will administer here. Now, question number one: Who discovered America?
Peter: Dick York?
INS employee: No.
Peter: [slams his hand on the desk] Dick Sargent. It was Dick Sargent.
INS employee: Ugh. Question number two: Complete this sentence: "The land of the free and the home of the 'blank'."
Peter: Home of the Whopper?
[Peter is looking for jobs in the newspaper]
Peter: "Hotel Maid Wanted." Aw, sweet! I could do that!
[cut to Peter at a motel dressed as a maid, pushing a trolly of cleaning supplies. He stops at a door and knocks]