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Peter Griffin: Husband, Father...Brother?/Quotes

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Dennis Miller: I don't wanna go on a rant here, but America's foreign policy makes about as much sense as Beowulf having sex with Robert Fulton at the First Battle of Antietam. I mean when a Neo-Conservative defenestrates, it's like Raskolnikov filibustered deoxymonohydroxinate.
Peter: The hell does "rant" mean?

Lois: Peter, it's just a phase. You've gone through a few yourself, you know.
Brian: Yeah, like those two weeks you've spend narrating your own life.
[in the Griffin's kitchen]
Peter: [narrating] I walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table. I looked with a grimace at the questionable meal Lois had placed in front of me. Of course I never tell her how disgusted I was, with her cooking. But somehow I think she knew. Lois had always been full of energy and life, but lately I began to grow more aware of her aging. The bright, exuberant eyes that I had fallen in love with, were now beginning to grow dull and listless with a long fatigue of a weary life... [Lois punches him in the face and leaves. Late in the night, Peter stills lays on the ground until ...]
Peter: I awoke several hours later in a daze.

Chris: What's a library, Dad?
Peter: Oh, it's just a place where homeless people come to shave and go BM.

Peter: Wow ... so it's true!
Chris: Cool! I get to be black and Irish!
Meg: Yeah, and now I can wear clothes that show off my big butt.
Lois: Aww –! I gotta tell Bonnie I'm sleeping with a black man!

Carter: How do you spell "Kichwa"?
Peter: Yeah, y'know what? Screw the "Kichwa", make it out to "Peter" – P-E-T-E ...

Stewie: Heavens! It appears that my wee-wee has been stricken with rigor mortis.

Quagmire: Dear Diary...Jackpot!

Peter: Welp....time for me to be hittin' the old dusty trail.(Peter tries to get out)
Peter: (To man with dreadlocks) I like your hat. (Goes to other side)
Peter: Can't get out this way. (Goes on other side and finds and breaks the fire alarm)
Peter: Found the fire alarm.

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