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- Lois: Kids, I just don't know if I like the idea of your father going to a stag party tonight.
- Meg: Relax, mom, it's just a bunch of guys sitting around with a black marker and a checklist of the Ten Commandments.
- Chris: Heh-heh, thou shalt get drunk. Yeah!
- Lois: Chris, you're 13, don't talk like that.
- Lois: Peter, you know this is all because you drank at the stag party.
- Peter: I know, Lois, honey, you were right. Alcohol is trouble. Now I feel kinda guilty I ever gave Chris' first taste of beer. [to Chris] Eh, but you turned out okay, didn't ya, pal?
- Chris: I'm gonna go get wasted. [leaves]
- Peter: Okay, look both ways.
- Meg: Bacon's great mom, where's the orange juice?
- Brian: Over there by the crotch
- Chris: Heh-heh, that's cool that dad slept in the kitchen.
- Peter: Now kids, this is not a good example. Daddy only drank so the State of Liberty would take her clothes off.
- Lois: Peter, I honestly don't believe you. You spent the night on the kitchen table and your still drunk.
- Peter: I'm sorry honey, are you mad?
- Lois: No, I'm just very dissa...[chair collapses and she falls]
- Meg: Mom, are you alright?
- Lois: My goodness, this chair leg was loose. Isn't that silly, I could've broken my neck.
- Stewie: Damn! [violent music plays]
- Peter: Look honey, I'm late for work, can we talk about this when I get back?
- Lois: Alright Peter but we haven't finished this conversation.
- Peter: Okay, bye.[rolls off the table and collapses on the ground with all the breakfast]