Puberty's Gonna Get Me
Family Guy - Live In Las Vegas
From the episode: Family Guy: Live in Vegas
Singers: Chris Griffin
Voices: Seth Green

"Puberty's Gonna Get Me" is a song by Chris Griffin. It was track 10 from Family Guy: Live in Vegas. In it, Chris expresses his fear of the bodily changes that happen during puberty.


Chris: ♪Puberty's gonna get me.♪

♪No way to stop it now.♪

♪I offer a plea, just let me be.♪

♪But puberty says "No how."♪

♪I'm just a ball of pimples and zits♪

♪I'm feeling funny inside.♪

♪Puberty's gonna get me♪

♪And there's nowhere to run or to hide.♪

♪Two years ago while my skin was clear♪

♪Nothin's the same as it used to be.♪

♪Now that I'm growin' I'm watchin' FOX♪

♪'Cause I'm too old to watch ABC.♪

♪In my pants there's lot of hair♪

♪Growing as if to spite me.♪

♪My scrotum looks just like a werewolf.♪

♪I'm scared that it might try to bite me.♪


♪Puberty's gonna get me♪

♪There's nothin' I can do.♪

♪There's no one to blame for all my shame♪

♪And no one that I can sue.♪

♪After I turn from twelve to thirteen♪

♪Oh, how I wish I had died.♪

♪Puberty's gonna get me♪

♪And there's nowhere to run or to hide.♪

♪When I was younger I hated girls.♪

♪They were too gooshy and soft and cute.♪

♪Now when I see one my legs get weak♪

♪And my wang makes a Hitler salute.♪

♪Once I used to like Sheryl Crow♪

♪She was talented and plucky.♪

♪But now that I'm older and wiser♪

♪I see that she's just really lucky.♪


♪Puberty's gonna get me.♪

♪I'm just completely screwed.♪

♪I beg and I say, "Please go away♪

♪And bother some other dude."♪

♪Everyone says, "Hey, don't be a spaz♪

♪Just try to take it in stride."♪

♪Puberty's gonna get me♪

♪I can feel it deep down inside.♪

♪I'm covered with fuzz♪

♪And I'm crying because♪

♪There's nowhere to run.♪


Lois: By the way Peter, do you know what next Friday is?

Peter: Uh, yeah, it's a movie with, uh, Ice Cube and that other guy who looks like Rudy from Fat Albert.

Lois: No, I mean a week from this Friday. Do you know what it is?

Peter: Uh...Donald Rumsfeld takes his annual crap?

Lois: No, I mean it is that too, but it's something else.

Peter: Um, Rosh Ha-Sha-Na-Na? You know when all the Jewish people get together and put on a variety show? Hehehehehehehehe

Lois: No, Peter, it's our anniversary!

Peter: Oh yeah?! Oh, see? This is why I need a Palm Pilot.

Lois: You forgot again, didn't you?

Peter: Maybe. Oh, hey, uh, Lois, you got somethin' in your ear there. Heh, what da, wuh - What is this?

Lois: {gasps} Peter, you got me a ring! Oh, it's beautiful.

Peter: Eh, it's nothin'. I mean they charged me up the ass for it - I had to sell my Richard Marx record collection of my 7th Heaven blooper reel where Stephen Collins says "Jesus Christ, I just stubbed my Goddamn toe." Boy, did the WB try to keep that one under wraps!

Lois: Oh...