Fandom

Family Guy Wiki

Road to Germany/Quotes

< Road to Germany

5,796pages on
this wiki
Add New Page
Talk0 Share

Ad blocker interference detected!


Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers

Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.

German Officer: [After their car hits the back of a manure truck] Das Poop!

[Brian, Stewie and Mort are standing on the return pad, talking about bringing Mort to England to protect him from the Nazi's]
Mort Goldman: Oh, they're awful those Nazi's. If they catch me, they'll beat me unmerciful, and rub dirt in my assneck and all over my assy nipples.
Stewie Griffin: ...what??

Mort: I wanna get back on the motorcycle.
Brian: [sighing] I told you it's out of gas.
Mort: Why isn't the time machine working?!
Stewie: I don't know, Mort.
Mort: I hate it here! I hate this god damn place! It's all a bunch of shit! It's all a bunch of God damn shit!
Stewie: Okay, take it easy man.
Mort: No! Fuck you, Stewie! I'm a Jew in Nazi occupied Europe! FUCK YOU! FUCK THE BOTH OF YOU!
Brian: I didn't say anything.
Stewie: Oh, thanks Brian.
Mort: This is a bunch of shit!
Stewie: Okay, you know what Mort, shut up! Alright just shut the fuck up! I don't give a shit about you. You know, we could just leave you here.
Mort: Yeah, right. Just leave me here, that's great. We're in occupied Europe, and if you haven't noticed, I'm Jewish.
Stewie: Oh, I've noticed. Helen Keller would notice.
Brian: Haha.
Mort: Eat my ass, Brian!
Brian: Don't you mean your assneck?
Mort: Shut up, that's a real thing.

German soldier: ACH! Unsere Unterseeboot sind stiehlen mit eine dog und baby und Art Garfunkel! [Translation: ACH! Our submarine is being stolen by a dog, a baby, and Art Garfunkel!]

[Three German Officers are walking past the alleyway Brian, Stewie and Mort are hiding in]
Stewie: [Whispering off-screen] Hey, psst, fellas? You want to get a free caricature?
German Officer #1: Oooh!
German Officer #2: Yah!
German Officer #3: I vant to be a shkateboarder!
[They all walk into the alleyway, off-screen, and we hear the sounds of fighting and a single laser blast, before Stewie, Brian and Mort walk out adjusting the German Officers' clothing they're now wearing]
Stewie: [Inspecting the lapel of his uniform] Hey, there's something on here. [Finds a McCain-Palin badge attached to his collar] Huh, that's weird.

[Stewie, Mort, and Brian walk into the uranium lab. On the way down, Stewie takes a marker and colors in his hair and gives himself a mustache to pass off at Hitler]
Stewie: Hey guys!
Scientists: Hitler!
Scientist: How's it going, Mr. Hitler?
Stewie: Well it's a dog-eat-dog Reich and I'm wearing bacon pants.

Brian:Oh No! Another wave of Nazis! We're outnumbered!
Stewie:Oh I don't think so Brian!
Prince Vultan:STAND BY MY HAWKMEN! DIVE!

[Brian, Stewie and Mort are in the bomber when its engine is shot and the plane takes a nose-dive]
Mort Goldman: Oh my God and Baby Jesus we're going down!! [He runs to the back and opens the door of the plane] Quick! Get the parachutes!
Brian Griffin: [Runs in holding an emergency raft] There are no parachutes! All I could find was this!
Stewie Griffin: A raft?? We're not sinking...[High-pitched] we're craaaashiiiiing!!

Stewie: Pardon me, sir. I'd like to join.
Officer: What are your qualifications?
Stewie: I have a British accent, I'm possibly homosexual, I never brush my teeth, and my wife is ghaaastly.

Stewie: Wait a minute, Germany's building Weapons of Mass Destruction? Well, why doesn't America go in there and kick their asses?
Brian: [Turning towards the viewer and squinting his eyes] I dunno, maybe because they don't have any oil.
Stewie: [Doing the same] Oooooohhhh... clap-clap-clap-clap-clap!

[Stewie, Brian and Mort have been caught impersonating German Soldiers by Hitler and his two bodyguards]
Hitler: Execute them! [The German bodyguards cock their pistols and aim at their heads] Unless...
Brian: Unless what??
Hiter: Unless they can sing a charming musical number!
[Stewie and Brian look at each other, smile, and then don hats and canes as music starts up]
Stewie and Brian: Whenever...
Mort: DAMMIT, WILL YOU TWO JUST GET IN THE FUCKING TIME MACHINE?!

[Mort barges into Stewie's room]
Mort: Can I poop in here?!
Stewie and Brian: NO!
Mort: ...too late.

Stewie: Hey hey hey hey! What are you doing in my room? Don't touch my stuff with your dirty, walking-on-the-street paws!

Previous Episode's Quotes /// Road to Germany's Quotes \\\ Next Episode's Quotes


Also on Fandom

Random Wiki