- German Officer: [After their car hits the back of a manure truck] Das Poop!
- [Brian, Stewie and Mort are standing on the return pad, talking about bringing Mort to England to protect him from the Nazi's]
- Mort Goldman: Oh, they're awful those Nazi's. If they catch me, they'll beat me unmerciful, and rub dirt in my assneck and all over my assy nipples.
- Stewie Griffin: ...what??
- Mort: I wanna get back on the motorcycle.
- Brian: [sighing] I told you it's out of gas.
- Mort: Why isn't the time machine working?!
- Stewie: I don't know, Mort.
- Mort: I hate it here! I hate this god damn place! It's all a bunch of shit! It's all a bunch of God damn shit!
- Stewie: Okay, take it easy man.
- Mort: No! Fuck you, Stewie! I'm a Jew in Nazi occupied Europe! FUCK YOU! FUCK THE BOTH OF YOU!
- Brian: I didn't say anything.
- Stewie: Oh, thanks Brian.
- Mort: This is a bunch of shit!
- Stewie: Okay, you know what Mort, shut up! Alright just shut the fuck up! I don't give a shit about you. You know, we could just leave you here.
- Mort: Yeah, right. Just leave me here, that's great. We're in occupied Europe, and if you haven't noticed, I'm Jewish.
- Stewie: Oh, I've noticed. Helen Keller would notice.
- Brian: Haha.
- Mort: Eat my ass, Brian!
- Brian: Don't you mean your assneck?
- Mort: Shut up, that's a real thing.
- German soldier: ACH! Unsere Unterseeboot sind stiehlen mit eine dog und baby und Art Garfunkel! [Translation: ACH! Our submarine is being stolen by a dog, a baby, and Art Garfunkel!]
- [Three German Officers are walking past the alleyway Brian, Stewie and Mort are hiding in]
- Stewie: [Whispering off-screen] Hey, psst, fellas? You want to get a free caricature?
- German Officer #1: Oooh!
- German Officer #2: Yah!
- German Officer #3: I vant to be a shkateboarder!
- [They all walk into the alleyway, off-screen, and we hear the sounds of fighting and a single laser blast, before Stewie, Brian and Mort walk out adjusting the German Officers' clothing they're now wearing]
- Stewie: [Inspecting the lapel of his uniform] Hey, there's something on here. [Finds a McCain-Palin badge attached to his collar] Huh, that's weird.
- [Stewie, Mort, and Brian walk into the uranium lab. On the way down, Stewie takes a marker and colors in his hair and gives himself a mustache to pass off at Hitler]
- Stewie: Hey guys!
- Scientists: Hitler!
- Scientist: How's it going, Mr. Hitler?
- Stewie: Well it's a dog-eat-dog Reich and I'm wearing bacon pants.
- Brian:Oh No! Another wave of Nazis! We're outnumbered!
- Stewie:Oh I don't think so Brian!
- Prince Vultan:STAND BY MY HAWKMEN! DIVE!
- [Brian, Stewie and Mort are in the bomber when its engine is shot and the plane takes a nose-dive]
- Mort Goldman: Oh my God and Baby Jesus we're going down!! [He runs to the back and opens the door of the plane] Quick! Get the parachutes!
- Brian Griffin: [Runs in holding an emergency raft] There are no parachutes! All I could find was this!
- Stewie Griffin: A raft?? We're not sinking...[High-pitched] we're craaaashiiiiing!!
- Stewie: Pardon me, sir. I'd like to join.
- Officer: What are your qualifications?
- Stewie: I have a British accent, I'm possibly homosexual, I never brush my teeth, and my wife is ghaaastly.
- Stewie: Wait a minute, Germany's building Weapons of Mass Destruction? Well, why doesn't America go in there and kick their asses?
- Brian: [Turning towards the viewer and squinting his eyes] I dunno, maybe because they don't have any oil.
- Stewie: [Doing the same] Oooooohhhh... clap-clap-clap-clap-clap!
- [Stewie, Brian and Mort have been caught impersonating German Soldiers by Hitler and his two bodyguards]
- Hitler: Execute them! [The German bodyguards cock their pistols and aim at their heads] Unless...
- Brian: Unless what??
- Hiter: Unless they can sing a charming musical number!
- [Stewie and Brian look at each other, smile, and then don hats and canes as music starts up]
- Stewie and Brian: Whenever...
- Mort: DAMMIT, WILL YOU TWO JUST GET IN THE FUCKING TIME MACHINE?!
- [Mort barges into Stewie's room]
- Mort: Can I poop in here?!
- Stewie and Brian: NO!
- Mort: ...too late.
- Stewie: Hey hey hey hey! What are you doing in my room? Don't touch my stuff with your dirty, walking-on-the-street paws!
Previous Episode's Quotes /// Road to Germany's Quotes \\\ Next Episode's Quotes
<< Season 6 | Family Guy Season 7 | Season 8 >> | ||||||
#01 | Love, Blactually | #07 | Ocean's Three and a Half | #13 | Stew-Roids | |||
#02 | I Dream of Jesus | #08 | Family Gay | #14 | We Love You, Conrad | |||
#03 | Road to Germany | #09 | The Juice Is Loose | #15 | Three Kings | |||
#04 | Baby Not On Board | #10 | FOX-y Lady | #16 | Peter's Progress | |||
#05 | The Man with Two Brians | #11 | Not All Dogs Go To Heaven | |||||
#06 | Tales of a Third Grade Nothing | #12 | 420 |