- [Joe introduces Quagmire as roastmaster]
- Quagmire: Thanks you, thank you, thank you very mush. Joe, I'd tell you to take your seat, but I'd be about fifteen years too late.
- Quagmire: Well first off, Peter's always been special. In high school, he didn't play sports, but he did wear a helmet.
- Quagmire: But I gotta say the worst part about being Peter's friend is knowing that eventually you're gonna have to be the fatass' pallbearer. Lift with the legs, right fellas?
- Carter: As Lois' father, I hate the thought of her having sex with Peter.
- Lois: And so do I!
- Carl: I asked Peter what he got on his SATs. He said "Mayonnaise."
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| << Season 12 | Family Guy Season 13 | Season 14 >> | |||||||||
| #01 | The Simpsons Guy | #07 | Stewie, Chris & Brian's Excellent Adventure | #13 | Dr. C & The Women | ||||||
| #02 | The Book of Joe | #08 | Our Idiot Brian | #14 | #JOLO | ||||||
| #03 | Baking Bad | #09 | This Little Piggy | #15 | Once Bitten | ||||||
| #04 | Brian the Closer | #10 | Quagmire's Mom | #16 | Roasted Guy | ||||||
| #05 | Turkey Guys | #11 | Encyclopedia Griffin | #17 | Fighting Irish | ||||||
| #06 | The 2000-Year-Old Virgin | #12 | Stewie Is Enceinte | #18 | Take My Wife |
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