[When Chris kills himself when Peter tells him he runs like a girl, he is shown at his funeral in a dress]
Peter: Run like a man, you get a suit.

Dr. Hartman: [To Meg and Chris] Hey, did that big 'boomba boomba' nurse come in here?

Peter: Oh, hey Lois. I guess you must be happy.
Lois: Yeah, it's every girl's dream to have her husband hoisted out of a food truck in a horse harness.

Lois: Oh, look what came! The free DVD from my PBS pledge.
Peter: Whatever it is, we're not watching it.
Lois: Peter, trust me. You, of all people could really learn something from this. It's a documentary about the food industry called Food Kills.
Brian: Huh, says here that Colon Health Magazine gave it two thumbs in.

Roller Derby Coach: How would you like to try out for the roller derby team?
Meg: Really?
Ruth: Do it, Meg.
Patty: Yeah, Meg. You should totally do it.
Esther: Meg's talking to a boy!
Meg: Okay, sure. What the heck?
Roller Derby Coach: Here, take my card.
[Meg reads the business card]
Meg: I am a registered sex offender.
Roller Derby Coach: Flip of over.
Meg: Important: see other side.
Roller Derby Coach: Give me that.

Lois: It's the middle of the night. Where are you going?
Peter: I'm sick of all this healthy crap. I'm going downstairs to find something good to eat and then I'm gonna fall asleep, watching transvaginal mesh lawsuit commercials.
[Peter goes into the kitchen, where Chris is sitting alone, with all the cupboards completely empty]
Chris: There's nothing.
Peter: Thank you, son.

Cleveland: Is this because of Food Kills?
Peter: I saw that movie too, huh?
Cleveland: We watched Tyler Perry's food kills, which is the same movie, except it stars black folks, you've never heard of and white folks, you never hear from anymore. But, yeah, now Donna is forcing me to eat healthy.
Peter: I always get confused. Is Donna the wife or is Roberta the wife?
Cleveland: I don't know, man. Can I have some of that sandwich?

Lois: I can't believe you'd buy a food truck. What are you even selling?
Peter: First of all, believe it, baby. Second, uh, mostly hamburgers, where the buns is jelly donuts and drinks where hot dogs is the straws.
[Bruce is seen drinking one of those drinks]
Bruce: Mmmm. Another milkshake please.

Neil: My favorite part of a woman's body is haunches and this is all haunch, baby.

[Peter serves someone his food]
Peter: That'll be sixteen dollars.
Guy: Sixteen dollars? That's expensive.
Peter: Yes sir, everything's very expensive because you're paying for it on an iPad. Now, if you'll just select a gratuity, options are sixty percent, ninety percent, and two hundred percent.
Guy: Uh, I guess sixty percent.
Peter: Okay, great, and just sign by dragging your bare finger across this thing I use to masturbate.
Guy: Uh, okay.
[The guy signs his name]
Peter: Thank you. Please make sure to bang your head on that low hanging thing.
Guy: What are you [bangs his head on the awning] Aaah!
Peter: Up, you spilled something. You want a napkin?
Guy: Yes, please.
Peter: Alright, here's forty blown by the wind.

Meg: I love roller derby. It's the first thing I'm really good at. Plus, I love making other women bleed...but you know in ways...besides the know, they normally bleed.
Stewie: [offscreen] She means periods!
Chris: Yeah, I got it, Stewie.

Tom: So, tonight, we say, to the yellow billed marsh finch, you're extinct!

Tricia: Mr. Griffin, is this a performance art or uh, some sort of a political statement?
Peter: Well, I'm kind of ticked about condoms in porn, but this is unrelated.

Peter: Looking better doesn't always solve your problems, Lois. Sure didn't work for Droopy Dog when he got that face lift.
Droopy: [Smiling widely] Contrary to my appearance, I'm still not happy. [Holds gun to chest] Please study my brain so that others don't suffer as I have.

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