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Screwed the Pooch/Quotes

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Peter: Bonjour, Monsieur Pewterschmidt!
Carter: Did Peter have a stroke?
Lois: No, daddy, Peter's cultured himself, like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman.
Carter: Oh, so I should treat him like a high class whore?
[Carter takes out a cigarette, lights it, puffs once, then extinguishes it on Peter's chest]
Peter: [wincing] That's fine, just no kissing on the lips.

Peter: I will give you all my Star Wars guys if it is. Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait! Except Boba Fett. No matter how sure I am, I never risk the Fett man.

[Michael Eisner and Bill Gates are flying around on jetpacks]
Michael: The people look like ants from up here.
Bill Gates: They are ants, Michael. They are ants.

Stewie: I know where I want to go when I want to relax.
[cutaway to Stewie in a night club dancing with shirtless men]
Stewie: I know the guy who owns this place.
Man: What?
Stewie: I said I know the guy th...Oh I'll tell ya later, I love this song.

Prosecutor: Do you remember an incident at South Attleboro Denny's in December of 1996?
Brian: Uh, yeah, I guess.
[cutaway to Denny's. A baby cries loudly and Brian trying to read the paper, can't take any longer]
Brian: WAAAAGH! WAAAAGH! YA LIKE THAT?! HUH?! YA LIKE THAT?! WAAAAAGH! YOU JUST TUNE THIS OUT, DON'TCHA?! WAAAGH! WELL, TUNE THIS OUT! WAAAGH! [baby cries] WAGH! [pause; baby cries] WAGH! [again; baby cries] SHUT UP!

Brian: B...but I rented those for Peter! He got banned from the video store for taping over their movies.
["Citizen Kane" is playing on a TV]
Charles Kane: Rosebud...
[The television cuts to Peter]
Peter: It's his sled. It was his sled from when he was a kid. There. I just saved you two long boob-less hours.

[Peter fantasizes Brian gaining lots of weight, he is seen eating chocolate]
Brian: I LUUUUUUUUV choc'late! But I can't eat it cuz then I'll get fat. But it's SOOOOOOOOOOOOO good!

Peter: Your Honor, Brian'll be a great dad. Hell, if I was half the parent Brian is, I'd know that Chris's favorite ice cream is...
Brian: Chocolate-chip.
Peter: And Stewie's favorite bedtime story is...
Brian: Goodnight, Moon.
Peter: And Meg's real father's name is...
Brian: Stan Thompson.

Peter: Alright pal! Did ya hear that, you're free! What the hell does neutered mean?

Carter: He's violating Sea Breeze!
Peter: No he's just awkwardly positioning himself to... NOW he's violating Sea Breeze.

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