[Stewie criticizes Brian's texting and driving]
Stewie: That was a stroller, not a speedbump.

[Stewie tries to give Chris advice on how to handle bullies]
Chris: What if I said "Hey there shortie!"?
Stewie: I'd say "Have another donut, you albino gorilla."

Peter: Smoke break!

Chris: I mean... you have... a vulva and fallopian tubes.
Girl: Finally, a guy who listens!

Peter: Well, I finally quit smoking and I'm ready to go back to normal!
Lois: Peter, that's not how it works. The damage you've done is irreversible.
Brian: Yeah, Lois is right. As bad as you look, the damage you've done to your heart and your lungs is, no doubt, exponentially worse.
Peter: What?! Well try cuttin' to the outside of the house over some music. That usually works.
[Cuts away to outside of house, then back inside with Peter still looking bad]
Peter: Fuck!

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