Something, Something, Something, Dark Side/Quotes

Leia/Lois: We need you.

Han/Peter: Oh really? "We" or "I"?

Leia/Lois: [nervously] What do you mean?

Han/Peter: You don't want me to leave because of the way you feel about me, huh? I bet you're afraid I'm gonna leave without giving you a good bye kiss.

Leia/Lois: Eh, I'd rather kiss George Takei.

[adjust to reveal George Takei]]

George Takei: Hello.

[Han (Peter) turns to Leia (Lois)]

Han/Peter: Well your manage-to-keep-me-around-a-little-longer ness, it looks like you've managed to keep me around a little longer.

Leia/Lois: I assure you, I had nothing to do with it.

Han/Peter: Yeah right. I think you just can't stand to let a fat guy like me out of your sights.

Leia/Lois: [agitated] Why you stuck up, half witted, scruffy lookin' nerf herder!

[Han (Peter) hits Leia (Lois) as hard as he can]

Han/Peter: You can't use that word! Only we can use that word!

[Princess Leia (Lois) is addressing a group of rebel pilots]

Leia/Lois: May I have everyone's attention please? We're evacuating into outer space with literally infinite directions in which to flee. However, we have decided that our transports will travel directly towards the fleet of stormtroopers. Any questions?

Rebel 1 (Alec Sulkin): Yeah, um, is there someone from the military we can talk to, a man perhaps?

Luke getting into his snow speeder]

Dak: Feeling okay sir?

Luke/Chris: Just like new! How 'bout you?

Dak: I feel like I can take on the whole empire myself!

[Luke (Chris) stops]

Luke/Chris: That'd be awesome! [shouting] Hey everyone, Dak says he's got this one!

[the rebels all cheer and start landing their speeders]

Dak: You know it bitches!

[Dak takes off. In space, Dak flies up to the planet and stops, facing the imperial fleet]

Dak: Hey imperial fleet, get ready to suck some Dak!

[they shoot one laser blast at him blowing him up. Back on Hoth, there is an ominous silence as the rebel defense forces wait for the approach of the imperial troops]

Rebel 1: I think we're doomed!

Jim: Nah. Unless they got any big, giant robot camels, I think we're OK.

[The thud of the AT-AT's footsteps as they approach]

Rebel 1: Ahh Jim [points at the AT-AT's], robot camels.

Darth Vader/Stewie: Oh, come on, Luke, come join the Dark Side! It's really cool!

Luke/Chris: Well I don't know. Whose on it?

Darth Vader/Stewie: Well um... there's me, the Emperor. This guy Scott,. you'll meet him he's awesome...

Darth Vader/Stewie: Spoiler alert! I am your father!

Luke/Chris: Well, that's fine, but I don't see how that affects—Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?

Leia/Lois: You're gonna attack them?!

Han/Peter: (as Leia/Lois) "You're gonna attack them?!" (normal voice) That's what you sound like. (as Leia/Lois again) "You're gonna attack them?!" (normal voice again) Imagine listening to that all day.

Han/Peter: Heh-heh! Look, the Giant Chicken is Boba Fett!

Leia/Lois: Why, you stuck up, half-witted, scruffy-looking Nerf herder!

(Han/Peter punches Leia/Lois)

Han/Peter: You can't say that word! Only we can use that word!

Leia/Lois: We're gonna be pulverized!

Han/Peter: Look, we got four or five of the main characters on board this ship, so I think we're okay.

Meg/Slug: How come I never have any lines in these things?

(Falcon flies up to her face)

Peter/Han: Shut up, Meg.

(In the carbon chamber)

Lois/Leia: I love you.

Peter/Han: Fuck off.

Brian/Chewie: Is that him?

Leia/Lois: I'm not sure. Luke, if that's you wave your right hand... no your RIGHT hand!

Luke/Chris: It's me you fuckers!

Luke/Chris: Echo-3 to Echo-7. Han old buddy, are you there?

Han/Peter: Luke, we talked about this. I changed my codename.

Luke/Chris: Oh right. Echo-3 to Carlos Spiceyweener.

Han/Peter: Carlos Spiceyweener here.

Han/Peter: Hey guys.

Leia/Lois: Han! What are you still doing here?

Han/Peter: Well I just realized my spaceship works better when I HAVE THE KEYS! Duh!

Darth Vader/Stewie: Luke.

Luke/Chris: Yeah?

Darth Vader/Stewie: Wait, Luke?

Luke/Chris: Yeah?

Darth Vader/Stewie: Luke Skywalker?

Luke/Chris: Yeah.

Darth Vader/Stewie: Oh my god, this is so silly. I was trying to call Luke Adams, his number is right next to yours in my helmet.

Leia/Lois: I hope you know what you're doing.

(Cut to Han sitting in front of the camera.)

Han/Peter: I just find that Leia's constant questioning of me is not constructive to the atmosphere of the ship. And I think she just needs to get some respe' fa' he'self.

C-3PO/Quagmire: Sir, the odds of successfully navigating an asteroid field are 2-1!

Han/Peter: Never tell me the o-oh... well that's not bad. Never mind, let's keep going.

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