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Stewie Goes for a Drive/Quotes

< Stewie Goes for a Drive

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Stewie: [baffled at Brain's damaged Prius] Oh God! Oh my God, I'm in so much trouble!
Butt: [on the radio] Congratulations, you caller number 5! You're going to see Justin Bieber!
Herbert: Oh sweet Jesus! Yes Jesse, I won! Never say never!

[Brian is questioning Stewie about the damaged car]
Brian: Look at this! Do you know anything about this?!
Stewie: About what? What a beautiful day...Oh, my God, that is surpriiising! I had to stop the last sentence in the middle because I was so surprised. What happened?
Brian: Gee, I don't know. Do YOU know what happened?
Stewie: [chuckles] Sorry, what was that? I was laughing at that funny thing you said at dinner the other night.
Brian: What funny thing?
Stewie: You remember when you said how Lois' potatoes "au rotten"?
Brian: Huh. Didn't think anybody heard that. Wish you laughed at the time, but what the hell happened to my car?!
Stewie: Well, I don't know man, but the good news is that [Walks over to one dent of a car] It's that spot right there that's upsetting you.
Brian: Stewie, I know it was you. [Grabs Rupert out of the car and shows it to Stewie]
Stewie: Your potato joke was terrible.
Brian: I can't believe you drove my car! Y...You could've gotten yourself killed! I'm gonna have to tell Peter and Lois
Stewie: NO!!! No, you can't tell them, I'm gonna be in so much trouble!
Brian: Stewie, I have to, all right? I have covered for you plenty of times before, but not this time! This is very dangerous and I have to make sure you never do it again.
Stewie: I won't I swear! [Wails like a baby]
Brian: Stewie, calm down. Sometimes in life, you have to accept what's coming to you.

[Stewie is on TV]
Stewie: Brian, I've decided to run away. Don't come looking for me. And definitely don't chase me to the airport and catch me at the gate just before I'm about to get on a plane with, like, an emotional speech and possibly flowers. For instance, it would be awful if all the TSA people were gathered around watching this emotional moment, even the older black female carry-on scanner who initially stopped you at the baggage check, but after you told her of your intentions said, "Go get him, child," in flagrant disregard for all newly-implemented post-9/11 security measures. And if you were considering bringing a boombox to play music, I would suggest any one of these six songs.
[The suggested songs scroll over Stewie]
Stewie: So, again, ran away. Don't come after me.

[Brian is sitting at the kitchen table with his laptop]
Brian: Let's see, new novel, new novel. What's it about? A guy who loses everything, but finds his soul in Canada. Alright, cooking now. And the whole book is an e-mail to his daughter who's dead. And his name will be Norm Hull, 'cause he's just a normal guy. But not everybody will get that. That's just for the scholars a hundred years from now.

[Stewie is circling his room in fear of Brian finding out he crashed his car]
Stewie: What am I gonna do? I'm in so much trouble when they find out I crashed Brian's car. They'll probably ship me off to Siberia.
[Stewie is shivering on an uncomfortable chair in a wooden hut]
Stewie: This sucks, I hate it here.
Russian woman: Shut up. Drink wolf milk and watch Russian cartoon.
Russian TV: We now return with popular Russian cartoon Shoe & Shoelace.
[A cartoon starts with a shoe and shoelace looking dryly into the camera for a few seconds]
Russian TV: Shoe & Shoelace. One is meaningless without the other!

[Peter steps outside to send away a dog while Ryan Reynolds comes out of Cleveland's former house without a shirt]
Ryan: Hey! Look who it is!
Peter: Hey, Ryan Reynolds. What are you doing in Cleveland's house?
Ryan: Well, believe it or not; they've decided to shoot my movie in Quahog instead of Newport. I'm playing Hitler, but it's a young Hitler and he's got a rockin' body. It's called Hotler.
Peter: Ha! Color me seven bucks lighter!
Ryan: Hey, I'm so excited that we're gonna be neighbors. We should totally hang out!
Peter: Yeah that would be great!
[Ryan looks down shyly while he lifts one hand to his forehead]
Ryan: Okay, I'm embarrassed. I'm standing outside here without a shirt on and my pajama bottoms are riding insanely low on my hips.
Peter: How much money do you make?
Ryan: You'd think enough to buy a shirt right? Ha ha. Well, I'm having this house warming thing tonight and I'd love it if you came by.
Peter: Yeah, sounds great! Anything beats what goes on in my house Friday nights.
[Peter walks down the stairs and sees the whole room filled with women]
Peter: Hey Lois, what's going on here?
Lois: Oh it's my book club Peter; come join us.
Peter: Oh, okay!

Stewie: At least I'm not getting stabbed by a random guy on the street.
[starts to rain]
Stewie: [to camera] See, it's the exact opposite!
[Man runs up to Stewie, stabs him, and runs away]
Stewie: Oh, it happened anyway.

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