Peter: Now, what are the ingredients to a viral internet video?
Joe: Cats.

Stewie: Good morning Brian.
Brian: [sniffs] What is that? I smell pee.
Stewie:: Yes, you do, Brian.
[Stewie shows Brian a pregnancy test testing positive]
Brian: Oh, my God, that thing's positive! Is Lois pregnant again?
Stewie: No...
Brian:: Meg is pregnant?
Stewie: You're getting warmer. [clears throat]
Brian: Wha... What have you done?
Stewie: I think you mean, what have we done?
Brian: What?!
Stewie: Brian... we're pregnant!
Brian: Oh, my God!
Stewie: And in 18 years, he's going to move away!

Stewie: Could you do that thing where you take some fluid and tell me if it's going to be an imbecile or a cretin?
Dr. Hartman: Oh, not to worry. There are places where those people can be warehoused, but from strictly eyeballing you I'd say everything looks fine.
Stewie: Oh, that's wonderful! Now Brian, did you have any questions for the doctor?
Brian: Yeah, are there a lot of stairs in this building?

Stewie: I have a such craving for burgers. It's like my body is just craving red meat, and mint chip ice cream and only mint chip. Any other ice creams makes me want to puke. Is that weird?
Brian: Yes, Stewie. That's the one weird thing in all this.

Adam West: [Observing Stewie giving birth in Brian's car] Mazel tov!

Cleveland: Hey, I went by your house the other day. Is your baby pregnant?
Peter: I don't know. Lois is in charge of the kids.

Peter:You know how everybody remembers that video of a monkey performing a sex act on a frog at the zoo?
Joe: That frog?
Joe:The frog in the miniskirt putting a quarter in the jukebox.
[A female frog in a blonde wig puts a quarter into the jukebox. She starts dancing seductively while a group of male monkeys look on]
Peter:[filming on his phone] Bingo.
Joe: [with a concerned expression] I'm concerned that frog's in more danger than she realizes.

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