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The "Q" Man Loves Nobody

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The "Q" Man Loves Nobody
Family Guy - Live In Las Vegas
From the episode: Family Guy: Live in Vegas
Singers: Quagmire and Patti LuPone
Voices: Seth MacFarlane and Patti LuPone

"The "Q" Man Loves Nobody" is a song performed by Glenn Quagmire and Patti LuPone. It was track 5 on Family Guy: Live in Vegas.


Lyrics

Quagmire: ♪ Baby, you were crazy if you thought I loved ya ♪

♪ Cause the “Q” Man loves nobody but himself. ♪

Patti: ♪ I never knew how twisted a fellow could be. ♪

Quagmire: ♪ Hey, I guess it’s good I never told ya I’m into pee. ♪

Patti: ♪ Don’t you ever listen to your inner conscience? ♪

Quagmire: ♪ Oh, sorry, babe, I wasn’t listening, what? ♪

Patti: ♪ You really are total scum. ♪

♪ If only you could see the man that you’ve become. ♪

Quagmire: ♪ Baby, you were crazy if you thought I loved ya ♪

♪ Cause the “Q” Man loves nobody, ♪

Patti: ♪ You really love nobody, ♪

Quagmire: ♪ And boy I mean nobody, ♪

Patti: ♪ And boy you mean nobody, ♪

Quagmire: ♪ But my own sweet flippin’ self. ♪

All right, look, whatever your problem is, just get it off your breast-chest.

Patti: ♪ I thought you gave me your heart. ♪

Quagmire: I gave you VD, isn’t that enough?

Patti: ♪ You said that we’d never part. ♪

Quagmire: Oh, I was just kidding.

Patti: ♪ You gave me your lovers’ vow. ♪

Quagmire: ♪ Ha! If you really thought I meant it, you oughtta get your head examined right now! ♪

Patti: ♪ You told me you’d never stray. ♪

Quagmire: Well, that’s cause we hadn’t had sex yet.

Patti: ♪ And then you just walked away. ♪

Quagmire: Ain’t I a stinker?

Patti: ♪ Your attitude really stank! ♪

Quagmire: ♪ Look, you don’t need to be a genius to see that I was giving you the yank yank! ♪

Patti: What else did you BS me about?

Quagmire: Well, since you asked…

♪ Remember when I said I was going down the block ♪
♪ To grab a couple boozers with a pal? ♪

Patti: ♪ Yeah, you had a friend from college that you had to meet. ♪

Quagmire: ♪ No, I was at the women’s shoe store looking at feet! ♪

Patti: What?

Quagmire: ♪ Remember when I said I had a dental checkup? ♪

♪ Well, let me say that I give quite a root canal. ♪
Heh, heh, all right.

Patti: ♪ You promised me that you’d be true. ♪

Quagmire: ♪ Hey! To me you’re just vagina number 6-0-2

Quagmire: ♪ Baby, you were crazy if you thought I loved ya ♪

♪ Cause the “Q” Man loves nobody, ♪

Patti: ♪ You really love nobody, ♪

Quagmire: ♪ And boy I mean nobody, ♪

Patti: ♪ And boy you mean nobody, ♪

Quagmire: ♪ But my own sweet flippin’ self. ♪

Patti: What do you have to say for yourself, you slime?

Quagmire: Can I just squeeze your left tit a little bit?

Patti: You’re the most insensitive man I’ve ever met.

Quagmire: Aw, that’s not true; I’ve got feelings the same as the next guy. Well, last week, my grandma died, I was really uspset.

Patti: Oh, I’m sorry.

Quagmire: So, how about a hand job?

♪ Cause the “Q” Man loves nobody, ♪

Patti: ♪ You really love nobody, ♪

Quagmire: ♪ And boy I mean nobody, ♪

Patti: ♪ And boy you mean nobody, ♪

Quagmire: ♪ But my own ♪

Both: ♪ Sweet, flippin’ self! ♪


Quagmire: Come on, honey, I’ll make it up to you. I’ll buy you some lingerie, heh. Giggity, giggity, giggidty, giggity!

Stewie: What a delightful couple.

Chris: She’s got boobies!

Lois: Yes, she does, Chris, but we don’t use that word in public.

Chris: She’s got....teats!

Lois: We don’t say that either.

Chris: Well, what the heck am I supposed to say?

Lois: I would just not bring it up at all.

Meg: God, Chris, you’re such an idiot!

Stewie: Well, my dear, you’re not exactly the cream of the crop yourself, you know. And, by the way, when was the last time you had a date?

Meg: …I have one tonight.

Stewie: Really? Well, for your sake, I hope it’s with Jack LaLanne. Ha! Brian, Brian.

Brian: Huh?

Stewie: Oh, dude, I had my hand up for a high five, and you totally freaking dissed me.

Brian: Oh, sorry, you, uh, wanna try again?

Stewie: Yes.

Brian: Uh, ok, one, two, three.

{smack}

Peter: Ow, my eye!

Brian: Oh, sorry, I haven’t high fived anyone in about six years. Well, you folks out there have probably wondered if we ever hang out with other cartoon characters in our spare time. Well, we try to avoid it, because frankly, they’re a pretty assholic bunch.

Peter: Yeah, I mean listen to what happened last week...

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