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[Peter walks to the stairs and falls down screaming]
Peter: Ah! Ow! Ow! Ow! Fuck! Fuck! Fucking cock! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

Peter: This is driving me nuts. Was one of the dwarves named Snappy? Kind of well-dressed, or am I just making that up? [Peter falls down the stairs again] Ah! Ah! Ow! Fuck! Fucking cock! Fuck! Cock! Cock!

[Lois is sitting in the living room in front of the television]
Lois: Peter, come downstairs. That gay show you like is on.
Peter: [offscreen] Coming!
[Peter sneaks to the top of the stairs. He takes a piece of sandpaper from his pocket and sands the soles of his shoes. He then attempts to extremely slowly descend down the stairs, but slips on the first step while screaming and grunting]
Peter: Fuck! Fuck! Goddamn it! Fucking cock-sucking cock! Fuck! Damn it!

[Brian talks to Stewie while Peter, all padded up with pillows, attempts to walk down the stairs again in the background]
Brian: Calm down? We're all supposed to have dinner tomorrow night and her parents are going to see that I'm a dog.
Peter: [Falling in the background] Yah! Ow! Ow! Ow! Fuck! Fuck! Fucking cock! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

Stewie: Of course, the most important part of any workout is a proper cool-down and stretch. [pushes on the stair and gets a splinter] Aaaggh!
Brian: What? What is it?
Stewie: I've got a splinter! [starts crying]
Lois: [picks him up] Oh my God! Stewie, what is it?
Brian: Oh, he just got a splinter.
Lois: Oh, my poor baby. It's 'cause these old stairs are just falling apart.
Brian: It's not just the stairs. Meg has spent two days pinned under a roof beam.
[Meg is under a roof beam, depressed]
Lois: Let's just focus on the stairs, Brian.

Japanese guy 1: Hey, you wanna see a movie?
Japanese guy 2: Nah we're Japanese, let's go watch a school girl bang an octopus!
Both: [While high fiving] Yeah!
[An anime octopus slides onto the screen]
Octopus: Oide dakishimete ageruyo, suction cup feel goooood!
[An anime school girl slides onto the screen while the octopus goes after her]
School girl: [high-pitched] Hiiiiiiiiii !
Octopus: Hmmmm Ha ha haayy...

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